Well, folks, it’s news like this that makes me think we are not actually living in a matrix, because no computer program could come up with something this random. CVS’s house brand, Gold Emblem, is making a gourmet hot honey. Gone are the days of Gold Emblem simply being the generic alternative to name-brand snacks, candies, and drinks. No no, they make hot honey now. They’ve entered the big leagues.
I’d like to think that the research and development people at CVS worked through some gigantic “if you give a mouse a cookie” scenario to come to the conclusion that hot honey was the thing people were coming to a CVS to find. Like, “Okay, people go out on Friday nights, they get a little drunk, and that makes them want to go get some chicken wings, but the chicken wings aren’t spicy enough, so they go to put hot sauce on there but the restaurant doesn’t have any, so they go to Safeway to get hot sauce but Safeway is closed at that hour, so they go to CVS (open 24/7) and, lo and behold, they too are out of hot sauce, but they sure as heck have hot honey and gosh darn if that won’t do the trick.” Or something like that. To which I would say that CVS R&D needs to work on avoiding run-on sentences.
Live the Sweet Life with the 7 Best Honeys
It’s sweet. It’s sticky. It’s Winne the Pooh’s meal of choice. “Honey is nature’s candy,” our guest taster, Mythical graphics director Matthew Dwyer observed. And, amazingly enough, it’s all very different. Some are much, much better than others.
Anyway, this product may be kind of out of the blue, but it looks genuinely good. Gold Emblem started in 1995 but rebranded in 2014 to be a “‘brand of healthier snack and grocery items’ […] rich in protein and other nutrients in addition to being gluten, sodium, and cholesterol-free.” This new hot honey, comprised of just honey and natural chili flavoring, seems to be in line with the rebrand. Maybe this whole hot honey thing is the start of something big for CVS! Maybe Gold Emblem will elevate CVS from simply making hot honey to being hot, honey. Nahhhh, who are we kidding? CVS was always hot.
H/T Mashed
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