Which Discontinued Soda Matches Your Zodiac Sign?

Nothing can stay relevant forever. Well. Except for the beautiful yet inexplicable friendship between Martha Stewart and Snoop Dogg (if you haven’t yet, go watch those two make mashed potatoes or watch Olympic dressage together; truly one of the best friendships on the internet). But barring that one single, wonderful bond, everything else is, for better or for worse, eventually forgotten, and unfortunately that includes some sodas that just didn’t have the staying power needed to bubble up to the top of the proverbial soda fountain.

However, just because the soda wasn’t popular enough to stay around forever doesn’t mean each of these wasn’t loved by fervent fans for the brief (or lengthy) time they were on the market, just like all of us may not be the most popular people in the world, but hey, we’ve all got some fans. So without further ado, here is the discontinued soda that matches you based on your zodiac sign.

Aries (March 21-April 19): Slice

Slice was actually around for quite some time, launching as a lemon-lime soda and eventually spawning a bunch of flavors that all contained real juice (although the juice was phased out by the late ’80s). People liked Slice! It was one of the few sodas out there claiming to have anything real in it, so you could use that fact to try to convince your Almond mom to get you a fizzy treat after soccer practice (I assume this is what the ’80s were like; let me know if I’m right in the comments). In the same way, Aries people tend to be well-liked and popular, but they also tend to do well in school due to their competitive streak, so Almond moms approved of Aries kids deeming them a good influence (despite their coolness and popularity).  

Read our ranking of the best orange soda

Taurus (April 20-May 20): 7UP Gold

There are few things more comforting than warm baking spices, and as I understand it, this 7UP Gold was like if ginger ale and that weird spiced Coke that came out recently had a baby. In other words, this was like ginger ale with warm spices, and I don’t know about you, but that sounds like one of the most calming and soothing soda flavors out there, just like Tauruses are the most calming and soothing people out there. Too bad this soda flavor is no longer “out there” but it will always remain “in here” (our hearts).

Read our ranking of the best ginger ale

Gemini (May 21-June 20): Pepsi Kona

Pepsi Kona was Pepsi’s contribution to that whole “let’s put Cola and coffee together and see what happens” craze of the late ’90s and early 2000s. It was a bit short-lived, but hey, the people who loved it, LOVED it (at least according to the comments on its soda wiki page). What makes it so Gemini? Well, not only is this the classic Gemini “two things coming together to make a third, unexpectedly amazing third thing.” This drink is also, much like a Gemini, a card-carrying agent of chaos. If there is one sign that makes me think of “caffeinated sugary drink mixed with another, much more caffeinated drink for maximum caffeinatedness” it is Geminis. They bring the energy and we love them for it.

Read our ranking of the best Pepsi flavors

Cancer (June 21-July 22): Crystal Pepsi

Now, this soda may have looked like Sprite to the casual observer. It may have even looked like soda water or even just water (if you left it out too long). But it was actually…just Pepsi (for the most part). I know. Crystal Pepsi was Pepsi but clear. Insane. This is just like Cancers who tend to seem standoffish or aloof at first, but once you get them to open up you, you realize they were just Pepsi the whole time. Pepsi in a soda water’s clothing (or whatever the idiom is about animals wearing each other’s clothes).

Leo (July 23-August 22): Sierra Mist

Of all the sodas on this list, Sierra Mist is the one people are talking about the most these days. Why? Because Sierra Mist was discontinued and replaced with Starry just last year. “Why is this the Leo soda, though?” I hear you cry. Because everybody is talking about it, that’s why. Say what you will about how it measures up to 7UP and Sprite, but most people have at least heard of Sierra Mist, and probably mentioned it at least once in the last couple of years, and we all know that that is exactly what Leos want: to be the talk of the town.

Virgo (August 23-September 22): TaB

TaB was Coca-Cola’s first shot at creating Diet Coke and it kind of worked…until they invented Diet Coke. But before that, there was TaB and it kind of worked…for about 60 years. But for all intents and purposes, TaB was a diet cola, and that aligns with Virgos since it’s a practical and tasty solution to wanting soda but not wanting to consume as much sugar. Virgos are fantastic problem solvers, and for a long time TaB was the only answer to that problem.

Read our ranking of the best diet sodas

Libra (September 23-October 22): Sprite Remix

This was Sprite’s attempt at branching out to flavors beyond the lemon and the lime. They made three flavors: Tropical Mix, Berryclear, and Aruba Jam. But the main one was Tropical Mix, which purported to be a combo of lemon-lime, strawberry, and pineapple, and people who tried it seemed to like the combination a lot! All that is to say, the unlikely mix of different fruits that don’t always go together all coming together in one harmonious, citrusy fruit salad of a beverage reminds me of Libras, who love balance, harmony, and (if my sources are correct) Sprite.

Scorpio (October 23-November 21): Surge

I had no idea what this was until I looked it up, but it turns out Surge was Coca-Cola’s attempt at recreating the magic that is Mountain Dew, and, much like Mountain Dew, the flavor name here tells you absolutely nothing about what it actually tastes like. My best guess before looking it up was “electrical socket.” Alas, turns out it was “citrus” flavored. Not super specific, but definitely narrows it down significantly. The mystique around this one made it a perfect match for mysterious Scorpios, whose vibe is also “sounds like electrical socket but is actually citrus.”

Related: What Happened to Surge?

Sagittarius (November 22-December 21): Mr. Pibb

Now you may be reading this and thinking “Wait doesn’t Mr. Pibb still exist?” Not so, my friend. Turns out Mr. Pibb is out (as of 2001) and Pibb Xtra is in. Not only that, but as Coca-Cola’s answer to Dr Pepper, its flavor—a spiced cherry situation—is as adventurous as its big name change. For my part, I truly thought it was “Mr. Pibb” this whole time because I never bothered to read what was actually written on the fast-food soda fountain thingies, even though I was not even tall enough to reach the soda fountain thingies before the name change to Pibb Xtra. But Sagittarians are knowledgeable and curious and if any of your friends happen to know this whole Pibb saga, I would bet money that it’s the Sagittarius.

Related: What Is Mr. Pibb?

Capricorn (December 22-January 19): Shasta Chocolate Soda

This is one of the oldest sodas on the list and, likewise, Capricorns have the oldest souls on this list. I cannot speak to whether this soda is good or not (but I feel like, logically, this must taste like a Tootsie Pop, right?), but I know people back in the 1960s went wild for this kind of unique and interesting soda flavor, and I feel like Capricorns would too by extension.

Aquarius (January 20-February 18): FUFU Berry Jones

I’m biased here. I am an Aquarius and FUFU Berry was my favorite Jones flavor growing up and it got discontinued. (Which by the way, rude, Jones! Bring it back! Bring it back! Bring it Back! Bring i- oh what? I have to keep writing this article? Ugh, fine). This soda had such a unique flavor because it wasn’t one specific flavor. Some have speculated it was a mix of raspberry, strawberry, and lavender, but I don’t know that I believe it. I don’t love lavender flavor and I do love FUFU Berry. Still others say it is just sweet and berry-like, which I can get on board with but doesn’t fully encompass the burst of tangy-sweet flavor the FUFU Berry soda provided.  

Read our ranking of every Jones Soda flavor

Pisces (February 19-March 20): Hubba Bubba Soda

What is sweeter and more nostalgic than Hubba Bubba bubble gum? Nothing, that’s what. Except maybe Hubba Bubba Soda, which wasn’t around for very long but we’re certain was a nostalgia straight to the dome. Another thing that gives you a hit of nostalgia straight to the dome? Pisces friends when you take them anywhere you have been together before. They will launch into the details of your last visit and before you know it, you’ll be reminiscing like it’s your job. Thank you, Pisces, for keeping us holdin’ onto the mems.