Over the weekend, March turned to April, and the internet was awhirl with gotchas and hahas and bits and tricks in recognition of the phenomenon we call April Fools’ Day. One of the most prominent observers of this April foolery? U.S. consumer packaged good companies. In other words, SNACK BRANDS, BAYBEE! Below are our top five favorite fake April Fools’ Day products (some of which we genuinely want to try), as well as some runners-up, because, y’all, these companies were just too cheeky for us narrow it down to five.
- Welch’s Ranchfuls
File these under “foods I wouldn’t eat even if I got some for free.” That’s huge, as I will accept free food 99.9999% of the time. But the funny folks at Welch’s described these as being “Made with REAL Buttermilk and veggies 🥦 and no artificial colors or flavors, every bite is bursting with zesty flavor,” and even mocked up a visual of ranch-filled fruit snacks, and, you know, while my interest is piqued, my appetite is somehow not. One commenter summed it up with a “please stop…get some help,” and I am inclined to agree with them.
(…No, you know what? I would totally try these once who am I kidding? I truly do not have standards.)
- Torani Pico de Gallo Syrup
Ever want the subtle taste of tomatoes, onions, and cilantro in your coffee? Well, Torani introduced us to a version of reality wherein that would be made easy with a pico de gallo-flavored syrup. Of COURSE I would try this, if only because I truly cannot wrap my head around how it would taste. Like, I’m basically incapable of imagining what those flavors would be like together and would thus jump at the chance to find out.
- Doritos Nacho Cheese Shampoo and Cool Ranch Conditioner
Here’s the thing. Pringles came up with a sour cream & onion body wash on April Fools’ Day last year, and while that would definitely make for a refreshing scent reminiscent of what some people’s body odor smells like anyway, I think this Doritos stuff looks better. Why? Because imagine taking your hair out of a ponytail after washing it with these products. You’d let your hair down and, WHOOM, the entire room would smell like a Round Table Pizza. Incredible. I’ve always wanted to have a distinct circa-2012 pizza shop musk. Please make these a reality, Doritos, and don’t listen to that one commenter who said, “No way no one wants to smell like a Dorito 🤣.” Trust me, I know better.
- Eggo Non-Stick Syrup
Eggo went big and based their 2023 April Foolery on a key consumer insight: People often eat Eggos with their hands, but if you do this after drenching them in syrup, it gets your hands all sticky. Then every time you shake hands with someone that day, you have to wonder in the back of your mind if they noticed the slight tackiness as you pulled your hand away. That’s why Eggo decided to tease us with the prospect of Non-Stick Syrup. I have no idea how it would work, but it’s certainly something they should seriously consider producing for real. I’m not a consultant, but if they paid me a lot of money to be their consultant, I’d say go for it. Give the people what they want. One commenter even said, “Yes please! I’d roll my children in it.” Aggressive, but, hey, that’s at least one (albeit strange) customer.
- Takis Car Air Freshener
Do you hate your friends? Have you ever wanted to make them cough and tear up every time they get into your car? Or do you simply want a way to see what the most stoic person you know looks like when they cry? (We’ve all had this thought, don’t give me that look). Taki’s fake April Fools’ offering would be perfect for all of those things. To me, Takis taste like citric acid, capsaicin, and MSG. That is to say, sour, spicy, and umami. Imagine the literal air in your car being all of those things. It would be like the tear gas training military enlistees have to endure, except instead of two minutes of exposure, it would be every single car ride, long or short. If you can survive that without crashing or passing out, you can survive anything. What an empowering air freshener.
Build Your Own Oreo with Funfetti: According to a mock-up shared on Instagram, the Oreo pack would contain a trough of Funfetti ice cream surrounded by naked Oreo cookies (no creme) for our dipping pleasure.
Roasted Brussels Sprouts Flavor Popcornopolis: I mean, roasted brussels sprouts flavored popcorn kind of sounds…good?
Jelly Belly Avocado Toast and Tofu Flavored Jelly Beans: Okay, it’s likely that these would not taste good at all. Would I try them anyway though? Hmmmmmmmmmmmm, maybe not. I just cannot imagine either of these tasting good.
MTN Dew Lay’s: Okay pretty self-explanatory. I would totally try these. They’d have both sweetness and saltiness like honey butter chips, along with the lime flavor of Limón Lay’s. I’m totally in.
Moon Chips Twilight Cheddar (by Sun Chips): Haha, get it? TBH, these actually make more sense than Harvest Cheddar Sun Chips considering the moon is made of cheese (duh).
Thoughts? Questions? Complete disagreement? Leave a comment!