Well friends, it’s finally September and you know what that means: It’s SOUP SEASON, BAYBEE! And because you will all be spending a little more time indoors with liquid meals, loved ones, and friends as the days get colder, we have decided to help you sort out all those flavors and personalities by giving you this definitive list of soups as zodiac signs. So, if you are looking to better understand both your friends and the highly varied heaven that is hot broth, keep on readin’—this list is for you.
Aries (March 21-April 19): Tomato Soup
Everyone loves tomato soup. It is popular, goes with many different meals, and is terrific both on its own and with various sides. This is much like Aries, who tend to be very well-liked and fit into any friend group (ranging from cheesy to spicy), but are also able to accomplish some impressive things on their own.
Read the full ranking of the best tomato soup
Taurus (April 20-May 20): Cream of Corn Soup
Now hear me out before you get mad, Tauruses. I, for one, LOVE cream of corn soup. But if you are still miffed about this choice, think about it as “Corn Bisque,” (it’s the same thing, but much like aioli vs mayo it is somehow less polarizing). Anyways, Cream of Corn soup is sweet and comforting just like Tauruses are. There is nothing like a bowl of corn bisque or spending the day with a Taurus to take the edge off things.
Read the full ranking of the best canned corn
Gemini (May 21-June 20): Miso Soup
Geminis are known for having two distinct sides to them. Some would call that being two-faced; I call it miso soup. Sure they may have two distinct sides to their personality that don’t always mix well, but the coming together of those two sides into one dish (or person) is what makes Geminis (and miso soup) unique and special!
Cancer (June 21-July 22): Cream of Mushroom Soup
Cream of mushroom soup may seem basic at first, but if you give it a try you will find that it is not only delicious, creamy, and comforting on its own, it is also great in casseroles and other baked dinners. Basically, it makes everything you put it in better. This is much like Cancers who you may not think anything of at first, but then after one conversation you realize this person makes EVERYTHING more interesting and you will want to be their best friend forever.
Read the full ranking of the best cream of mushroom soup
Leo (July 23-August 22): Chicken Noodle Soup
Because of course.
Read the full ranking of the best chicken noodle soup
Virgo (August 23-September 22): Instant Ramen
Virgos are always scurrying around, kickin’ butt, and takin’ names, so they rarely have time to take a prolonged soup break. As such, Virgos have to be instant ramen, the fastest, saltiest, and most delicious quick lunch out there. Plus, because they are Virgos and you know they planned ahead, you can bet they brought along some vegetables to doctor it with to make it almost healthy. I feel like Virgos should be running more things.
Read the full ranking of the best instant ramen
Libra (September 23-October 22): Tom Kha Gai
Thai food is well known for its perfect balance of salt, fat, acid, sweet, and heat, and this coconut milk-based chicken soup is no exception. Libras are also known for appreciating balanced and just situations and creating harmony between seemingly disparate groups of people. Similarly, this soup takes chicken, coconut milk, lemongrass, curry, brown sugar, fish sauce, and more and creates something absolutely delicious. Befriend more libras, you guys. They will make your friend group deliciously harmonious.
Scorpio (October 23-November 21): Loaded Potato Soup
Loaded potato soup is mysterious. Is it soup? Loose mashed potatoes? A loaded baked potato that went through a blender thrice? It will never tell. And neither will Scorpios, who also tend to keep their true emotions (and their opinions about the true nature of loaded potato soup) under wraps. Much like this classic soup, Scorpios may enigmatic and hard to read at times, but they are such good friends that it doesn’t really matter—and the rest of us can just enjoy the ride that is getting to know them (as well as a soup that tastes like cheese, potato, bacon, and chive).
Read the full ranking of the best potato soup
Sagittarius (November 22-December 21): Split Pea Soup
Why do we have to split it? Why can’t we just have the whole pea soup? Just some questions a curious Sagittarius might ask about this green conundrum of a liquid meal. But even though we are all curious about the “why” of this soup, we can all agree it is a hearty and delicious option, especially when it is freezing outside – just like a Sagittarius is a nice, warm, comforting presence when everything else seems cold.
Read the full ranking of the best split pea soup
Capricorn (December 22-January 19): Pho
Real, actual, good pho takes SO much patience. Those bones have to boil so long it feels like five-ever instead of forever. But Capricorns are patient. Capricorns know that sometimes the best things in life take time, and that is why Capricorns are pho.
Aquarius (January 20-February 18): Three Bean Soup (aka Vanilla Soy Latte)
Yes, you read that right. According to the cube rule, a vanilla soy latte is a three bean soup, and you can bet your butt that if you ask any Aquarius who is familiar with this rule what their favorite soup is, you already know they are going to say “vanilla soy latte” just to be unique. How do I know this? Because I am an Aquarius, and I do this. Yes, I am aware that makes it difficult to be my friend.
Pisces (February 19-March 20): Autumnal Squash Soup
There is no zodiac sign more comforting, nostalgic, whimsical, and lovely than Pisces, and similarly there is no soup more comforting, nostalgic, whimsical, and lovely than an autumnal squash soup. Not only do pumpkins have a fairytale-like fanciful vibe to them, even if you make it with butternut squash or some other squash the warm spices, apples, and whatever else go into this soup make it one of THE best things about fall. Pisces LOVE nostalgic moments and this soup is THE nostalgic moment. Hence, Pisces has to be an autumn squash soup.
Red the full ranking of the best butternut squash soup
Hmm so it looks like I may have been born at the wrong time of year. At least my celestially assigned soup is tied for third spot so I don’t need to yell at my parents too much.