Well friends, it’s finally September and you know what that means: It’s SOUP SEASON, BAYBEE! And because you will all be spending a little more time indoors with liquid meals, loved ones, and friends as the days get colder, we have decided to help you sort out all those flavors and personalities by giving you this definitive list of soups as zodiac signs. So, if you are looking to better understand both your friends and the highly varied heaven that is hot broth, grab your tiniest teaspoon (who even uses the big ones?!) and keep on readin’—this list is for you.
Aries (March 21-April 19): Tomato Bisque
Aries people like to win. As such, they are always one step ahead, going the extra mile, and doing the most™. You know who else is doing the most? Tomato bisque. She could have just been tomato soup and called it a day, but instead she made herself slightly fancier, added some cream, spices, and real mushed-up tomatoes. She’s not so polarizing that some people aren’t on board, but she’s not so plain that she’s forgettable. She is Aries. And we all want to be her.
Read the full ranking of the best tomato soup
Taurus (April 20-May 20): French Onion
Tauruses are comforting. They are like if that safe feeling you get under a weighted blanket were a person. French Onion soup (especially with the toasty bread and oozy cheese on top) is that feeling in soup form. No, I will not be taking questions at this time. It’s soup that’s covered in a weighted blanket of cheese. End of story!
Gemini (May 21-June 20): Hot Pot
If there is one thing I know about hot pot, it is that it is hot and in a pot. If there is a second thing I know about hot pot, it is that you often get two different broths separated down the middle by a little curvy metal wall. If there is a third thing I know about hot pot, it is that having those two distinctly different broth flavors to play around with makes the experience 100 times more interesting and enjoyable. This is just like Geminis who have two distinctly different sides to them (whether that is order and chaos, introversion and extroversion, yanny or laurel), and it is the combo of those two sides that makes them some of the most interesting friends a person could have.
Cancer (June 21-July 22): Cream of Mushroom Soup
Cream of mushroom soup may seem basic at first, but if you give it a try you will find that it is not only delicious, creamy, and comforting on its own, it is also great in casseroles and other baked dinners. Basically, it makes everything you put it in better. This is much like Cancers who you may not think anything of at first, but then after one conversation you realize this person makes EVERYTHING more interesting and you will want to be their best friend forever.
Read the full ranking of the best cream of mushroom soup
Leo (July 23-August 22): Chicken Noodle Soup
Because of course.
Read the full ranking of the best chicken noodle soup
Virgo (August 23-September 22): Tortilla Soup
Virgos are all about efficiency while still keeping things poppin’. In the mood for a burrito but also it’s fall and you want a cozy soup? Boom—tortilla soup is your solution. Plus it’s full of great protein and fiber from the beans and other veggies in there. In the mood for a night out but don’t want the chaos of having to take care of all the friends in your friend group? Invite a Virgo—they know how to make the night super fun without somehow making it your problem.
Read our ranking of the best Panera soups
Libra (September 23-October 22): Tom Kha
Thai food is well known for its perfect balance of salt, fat, acid, sweet, and heat, and this coconut milk-based chicken soup is no exception. Libras are also known for appreciating balanced and just situations and creating harmony between seemingly disparate groups of people. Similarly, this soup takes chicken, coconut milk, lemongrass, curry, brown sugar, fish sauce, and more and creates something absolutely delicious. Befriend more libras, you guys. They will make your friend group deliciously harmonious.
Scorpio (October 23-November 21): Loaded Potato Soup
Loaded potato soup is mysterious. Is it soup? Loose mashed potatoes? A loaded baked potato that went through a blender thrice? It will never tell. And neither will Scorpios, who also tend to keep their true emotions (and their opinions about the true nature of loaded potato soup) under wraps. Much like this classic soup, Scorpios may enigmatic and hard to read at times, but they are such good friends that it doesn’t really matter—and the rest of us can just enjoy the ride that is getting to know them (as well as a soup that tastes like cheese, potato, bacon, and chive).
Read the full ranking of the best potato soup
Sagittarius (November 22-December 21): Gazpacho
Oh, gazpacho. We have all heard of it, but do any of us know precisely what it is? No, but chances are knowledge-seeking Sagittarians probably do. Gazpacho is a broad group of cold soups from Spain and Portugal, and can contain anything from tomatoes to cucumbers to watermelon to peppers, garlic, herbs, and spices. It is sort of a choose-your-own-adventure soup in that way, and as the most adventurous of the signs, you already know Sagittarians love this kind of thing. There is still some summer left Sagittarians, go get creative and make yourself some watermelon gazpacho before the daily high dips below 80 degrees.
Capricorn (December 22-January 19): Tonkotsu Ramen
There is a reason most people do not make ramen from scratch at home and that reason is that it takes literal days. But Capricorns are patient. Capricorns are mature. Capricorns probably all pass that one psych test where if you wait, you can get two marshmallows instead of one. Tonkotsu ramen has a rich pork broth that takes hours and hours of simmering bones on the stove or it won’t be as rich as you want it to be. Tonkotsu broth is two-marshmallow broth. Capricorns are two-marshmallow people. It just makes sense.
Aquarius (January 20-February 18): Three Bean Soup (aka Vanilla Soy Latte)
Yes, you read that right. According to the cube rule, a vanilla soy latte is a three bean soup, and you can bet your butt that if you ask any Aquarius who is familiar with this rule what their favorite soup is, you already know they are going to say “vanilla soy latte” just to be unique. How do I know this? Because I am an Aquarius, and I do this. Yes, I am aware that makes it difficult to be my friend.
Pisces (February 19-March 20): Autumn Squash Soup
There is no zodiac sign more comforting, nostalgic, whimsical, and lovely than Pisces, and similarly there is no soup more comforting, nostalgic, whimsical, and lovely than an autumnal squash soup. Not only do pumpkins have a fairytale-like fanciful vibe to them, even if you make it with butternut squash or some other squash the warm spices, apples, and whatever else go into this soup make it one of THE best things about fall. Pisces LOVE nostalgic moments and this soup is THE nostalgic moment. Hence, Pisces has to be an autumn squash soup.
Red the full ranking of the best butternut squash soup
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