The Best Thanksgiving Side Dish for You, According to Your Sign

You might have a favorite Thanksgiving side dish—but is it the side dish your astrological sign says you should be eating? This Thanksgiving, really consider what the stars say you should be loading up on at the dinner table. This is important and it is science. 

spinach salad
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Aries = Spinach Salad

The Ram never shies away from a challenge, such as getting people to eat the salad on the Thanksgiving table. Add some candied pecans, throw in some pomegranate pips. You’ll have a salad just as intriguing as Aries. 

mac and cheese
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Taurus = Mac n’ Cheese 

The sensual Bull needs to be soothed, and there’s nothing as soothing as rich and creamy mac n’ cheese. Go ahead, Taurus, indulge your need for comfort with only the best mac n’ cheese (we like Kraft Deluxe White Cheddar & Cracked Black Peppercorn). 

Brussels sprouts
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Gemini = Brussels Sprouts 

The Twins are curious and hard to pin down. It’s impossible to get a Gemini to stick to one thing—they’re layered, much like the many leafy layers of a Brussels sprout. See? I got there. Science! 

cranberry sauce
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Cancer = Cranberry Sauce

The Crab is intuitive and highly sensitive, but when you first meet one you might think they don’t like you, thanks to their hard, emotional shields. Sounds a lot like canned cranberry sauce to me: Hard on the outside, quivering and tender on the inside. And a bit of an acquired taste. 

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Leo = Stuffing 

The King of the Jungle deserves the King of the Table. The turkey might be the centerpiece, but we all know stuffing is the real star of the meal. It’s there to steal the spotlight—even if it’s made from a box. Does that opinion stir up some drama? Leo would be pleased. 

bread rolls
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Virgo = Bread Rolls

Virgos are logical and, appropriately, down to Earth (they’re earth signs, everyone). They know that, while rolls might not be the sexiest sides, they’re absolutely necessary for sopping up extra gravy and mashed potatoes. 

green bean casserole
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Libra = Green Bean Casserole 

The Scales are all about harmony and balance—such as the interplay of silky cream of mushroom soup (from a can, obviously), fresh, vegetal green beans, and crunchy fried onions. Libras are the celestial intellectuals, and I think we can all agree that green bean casserole is the thinking man’s side. 

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Scorpio = Gravy 

Look, this one’s easy. The Scorpion is all about sex. It’s ruled by the genitals. And gravy (even store-bought gravy) is the most sensual, most X-rated Thanksgiving side there is. I will not be taking questions at this time, thank you. 

sweet potato casserole
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Sagittarius = Sweet Potato Casserole 

The Archer is adventurous. They’re curious and always looking for something new. What’s the most out-of-the-box Thanksgiving side? Sweet potato casserole topped with marshmallows. Is it dessert? Is it savory? It refused to be defined, much like Sag. 

glazed carrots
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Capricorn = Glazed Carrots

The Sea Goat is all ambition at first but secretly they’re ready to party. Carrots might seem like a perfunctory side, but you can have some fun with them. Glaze them in some maple syrup and bourbon. Get wild. 

creamed spinach
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Aquarius = Creamed Spinach 

The Water Bearer is extremely social and they require a whole lot of love and support. Similarly, spinach also needs love (aka butter and cream and cheese) to flourish. And the creamy dish has that touch of funk that Aquarius often likes to rock. 

mashed potatoes
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Pisces = Mashed Potatoes  

The Fish is the most mutable of the sigs, able to adapt effortlessly to any situation. Mashed potatoes also mold themselves to whatever food you mush them into, acting as an adhesive for other little bits of turkey and stuffing. Don’t cry, gentle Pisces, we bought another box of instant mashed potatoes just for you to have when you wake up in the middle of the night stressing about what was said at dinner. 

About the Author

Justine Sterling

Justine Sterling is the editor-in-chief of Sporked. She has been writing about food and beverages for well over a decade and is an avid at-home cook and snacker. Don’t worry, she’s not a food snob. Sure, she loves a fresh-shucked oyster. But she also will leap at whatever new product Reese’s releases and loves a Tostitos Hint of Lime, even if there is no actual lime in the ingredients.

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  • My partner: Gravy. Me: Mashed potatoes. His first response: “I go on top of you.”