There are more and more artisan burger joints that are going absolutely hog wild when it comes to burger creations. Take, for example, the Behemoth from my personal favorite burger place, Grill ‘Em All in Alhambra, CA, where they replace the buns with grilled cheese sandwiches. It’s monstrosities like these that can make the home burger maker feel like their pedestrian offerings could never stack up to such genius.
First, let me assuage your fears: All burgers are good burgers. And many times, even the simplest burger grilled in the backyard is a work of art. But if you’re looking to jazz up your burger offerings this grilling season and have some friends who aren’t afraid of a little heat, here is Sporked’s professional opinion on how to make the ultimate spice lover’s burger.
There’s a reason that these burgers were the top pick in Sporked’s best frozen burgers taste test. Those Aberdeen Angus cows are on another level and you can absolutely taste the difference between these and other non-Angus burgers. This patty is a great base for pretty much any topping—including spicy toppings.
These burger buns were rated best “unconventional choice” in Sporked’s best burger bun taste test. And if you’re thinking, “This is madness!” just hear me out for a second, okay?! You’re about to embark on a spice journey and you want a bun that complements that. Sure, your standard potato roll may do the trick. But these pretzel rolls offer a slight sweetness and saltiness that will help cut that heat. Plus, a pretzel bun goes great with mustard—especially spicy mustard. Promise me you’ll try it.
Sporked’s resident mustard expert, Jordan Myrick, ranked this mustard as the best spicy brown mustard for a hot dog. And while I 100% agree—if I didn’t, they’d hit me with their car—I also have to recommend it for our spicy burger. First of all, burgers and dogs are going to appear on every grill, so that makes this mustard a great 2-for-1 option. Additionally, the kick from the horseradish-y flavor is going to complement the other spicy condiments still to come. You can’t go wrong with Kosciusko, even if you can’t pronounce it.
Mayo tends to mellow out the heat, but this sriracha mayo (which is the second best mayo overall on Sporked’s best mayonnaise list) will do anything but that. This option is definitely more sriracha-forward and provides an entirely different type to the burger, focusing on spicy chili peppers. And the unmistakable garlic found in the best sriracha sauces comes through beautifully.
Now we’re getting serious. Just looking at this cheese will make your eyes start watering; the red pepper marbling lets you know this cheese means business. Not only is this Sporked’s best spicy cheddar, it also has won awards at spicy food competitions. When using this cheese, make sure to slice it thin or shred it so that it melts over the entire burger.
There are some of you who may want to forego the traditional mustard and mayo burger toppings and just go straight for the sriracha. All the Sporked writers agree: Ninja Squirrel has the best kick of all the srirachas out there. This sauce paired with the cheese is going to knock most peoples’ socks off but if you have some real spice lovers at your outdoor BBQ, mix this with the aforementioned mayo and mustard to create a fiery Frankenstein sauce that will make them stick their head in the pool.
Luke Field is a writer and actor originally from Philadelphia. He was the former Head Writer of branded content at CollegeHumor and was also a contributing writer and actor to the CollegeHumor Originals cast. He has extensive improv and sketch stage experience, performing both at The Upright Citizens Brigade Theater and with their Touring Company. In addition to writing, he also works as a Story Producer, most recently on season 4 of Accident, Suicide, or Murder on Oxygen. Keep your eyes peeled for his brief but impactful appearance as Kevin, the screaming security guard, in the upcoming feature The Disruptors, directed by Adam Frucci.
Thoughts? Questions? Complete disagreement? Leave a comment!
Thoughts? Questions? Complete disagreement? Leave a comment!