Uncrustables has done the unthinkable. Yes, the same Uncrustables that has spent years combining nut butter with various jams and jellies in the world’s least mysterious UFO-shaped object to date: the crustless sammy (which was also my nickname in high school). But whether you live off of Uncrustables, tolerate them, or think of them fondly as a strange, spongy dessert ravioli, you have every reason to celebrate because on this fine day in history, Uncrustables finally released an instant classic into their flagship line of PB&Js, the best nut butter with the best jam: Peanut Butter & Raspberry Spread Uncrustables. I am so ready for this.
I am, if you didn’t know, very much in love with raspberry jam (I know, why don’t I marry it? I’ve tried—not legal in the state of California and I don’t feel like moving to Florida), and am actually thinking I may have to give these new Uncrustables a go, despite that I haven’t actually purchased Uncrustables in years.
Wait, but I thought they already made a raspberry Uncrustables? Will it have seeds? Is there a limit to how many I can buy before they ban me from the Safeway frozen aisle? Do I even care?
Let me clear all those up at once: Yes, sort of. Nope. Hope not. And no.
To elaborate a little bit, basically back in 2012 Uncrustables released Whole Wheat Raspberry Uncrustables, which were discontinued shortly after they came out, but not before they amassed a cult following of fans who loved the tangy razz factor (my other nickname in high school).
The new Raspberry Uncrustables feature Uncrustables’ signature Wonderbread-esque white bread, just like their classic grape counterpart. Additionally, the new Peanut Butter & Raspberry Spread Uncrustables will have no seeds in the raspberry spread, according to a press release from Smuckers.
As for how many a person can buy before someone notices and kicks them out of the Safeway? I intend to find out real soon. We wrote about these Peanut Butter & Raspberry Spread Uncrustables earlier this year, when the news leaked online after a consumer analyst conference in NYC told us these may be hitting stores in September, and, what do you know, just like clockwork, these things hit stores just this week. Thus, as the unstoppable history of Uncrustables marches Uncrustily into the future, we have entered a new era—an era of raspberry-flavored crustless PB&Js and, hopefully, peace (as long as no one tries to fight me when I descend on my local Safeway and scoop up an ungodly number of crustless raspberry PB&Js).
Thoughts? Questions? Complete disagreement? Leave a comment!