It’s that time of year again! That is to say, it’s early October. People are figuring out what costume to wear, what pumpkin spice foods to pick up at Trader Joe’s, and, perhaps most importantly, what candy to buy for Halloween (Sporked has suggestions!).
And those of you who proclaim to be an “old soul,” you’re in luck. On a 2021 episode of Good Mythical Morning, Rhett & Link did a vintage Halloween candy taste test, wherein Mythical Beasts voted for their top eight vintage candies and then Rhett & Link went through them tournament style to figure out which would earn the title of “Most Handy Vintage Halloween Candy.” So without further adoooOOOoooooh (get it like a ghost), here is their ranking.
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- Pixy Stix
These bad boys came out in the ’30s as a drink mix. Then, when the company realized all people were doing was chugging the powder straight anyway, they pivoted harder than people carrying a couch up the stairs. How? By making it a candy. Link pointed out its simplicity, noting that “it’s just flavored sugar,” but he also said, “These are tasty.” Rhett liked them too, immediately saying, “Mmmm, I like this a lot,” which is a good sign. Also, these can be used as a weapon to blow sugar at your enemies (or bespectacled friends), which really put them over the top.
The guys pointed out that they got Smarties every Halloween as kids, and now their kids still get them every year too—that’s staying power. Link described these as “very powdery, a good taste, you get to go through a bunch of different flavors,” while Rhett noted that “it’s always what I imagine chalk would taste like and then I taste chalk and it…doesn’t taste like this.” Moral of the story, don’t eat chalk, kids. A perk of Smarties though? You get so many in a pack and (maybe) they make you smarter … maybe.
- Candy Corn
People tend to hate on these, but as Rhett & Link pointed out, they’re always better than you expect them to be (a sentiment I very much relate to). They like icing or fondant (yum); plus you can make fangs out of them. A costume and a snack all in one? Sounds like a win-win to me.
- Charleston Chew
For those of you who have never tried a Charleston Chew, it’s vanilla nougat-filled chocolate. It sort of gives the illusion of a chocolate-covered marshmallow. Both Rhett & Link liked it, deciding that it’s “pretty good!”
These are made by Fererra (a huge candy/sweet snacks company), and, fun fact, the founder of the company named these after his grandson’s head which was purportedly lemon-shaped. These lemony dudes were POTENT! Link said, “You can really bite into it and it packs a lemony punch.” Meanwhile, Rhett said, “WHOA! Holy What!?!? I didn’t think I’d like this but I love it!” Let’s just say, he was impressed. But Link didn’t like these because he doesn’t like lemon, so they brought in a demonic baby doll as a tiebreaker and the doll sided with Link and chose Charleston Chews to move on in the tournament.
- Atomic Fireballs
Also made by Ferrera, these hot, cinnamon jawbreakers made Link wonder, “Is there some capsaicin in there perhaps?” But both Rhett & Link “kind of liked these,” which is some kind of endorsement, if not an enthusiastic one. When the guys were comparing these to Pixy Stix, however, they called these “frustrating” and “a choking hazard,” so do with that what you will.
- Sugar Babies
These happen to be Rhett’s brother’s go-to movie food, but if you need more information than that to figure out what the heck these are, I’m with ya. Turns out they are little candy-coated caramel balls, like a caramel jelly bean. The name is based on the 1930s success of the Sugar Daddy, which is (and this is real) a larger caramel lollipop. Rhett thought these were just okay, saying, “I’m surprised that y’all [Mythical Beasts] like these so much”.
- Candy Cigarettes
Link’s first reaction was, “They still exist? That’s the news to me,” and he’s got a point. Rhett wondered, “How is this still a thing?” The answer? New Jersey. But in all seriousness, they don’t say cigarette anywhere on the package, they just say Lucky Lights candy, so, as Link said, the company kind of leaves it “up to you to make the connection.” Link said they taste like Maalox, which isn’t really a great sign considering that Maalox is an antacid.
Thoughts? Questions? Complete disagreement? Leave a comment!