Sad Single Meals for You Sad, Sad Singles, Written by a Single Person

POV: It’s February. You’re a single person trying to figure out what the heck you’re supposed to do on Valentine’s Day. Do you spend it with friends who can share in your misery? Fall victim to the bars shamelessly advertising overpriced “singles’ nights,” even if the idea makes you cringe hard enough to pull a face muscle? Call your mom and cry as you spend an extra $10 in delivery fees ordering dinner for one?

If none of those sound particularly fun to you, consider option #4: Lean into it. You’re sad, you’re alone, and you know the best medicine is the ability to laugh at yourself, right? So sidle up to your couch, put on a comfort sitcom, and embrace your singledom with some easy meals for one. Trust me, these will satisfy you in ways no other person can.

Motor City Detroit Style Supreme Deep Dish Pizza

There’s no sadder meal for singles than eating an entire frozen pizza by yourself. And by sad, I do mean inspiring. Life-changing, even. Per Julia Roberts in Eat Pray Love, “I’m in love. I’m having a relationship with my pizza.” Easy meals for one are great—easy meals for two that you can consume entirely by yourself? Now that’s a life worth living. With a cheesy, crisp crust and toppings that simply don’t quit, Motor City’s Detroit Style Supreme Deep Dish Pizza is literally the best frozen pizza we have tried thus far at Sporked. Thank god you’re single, or you might not have ever read this article and discovered this pizza. The universe works in mysterious ways, don’t you think?

Read our full ranking of the best frozen pizza

Kirkland Signature Shrimp Cocktail

Your best friend might be out right now at a fancy-schmancy seafood restaurant with the love of their life, but you know what? You’re home. In pajamas. Eating an entire platter of shrimp cocktail from Costco. And I think that’s beautiful. (Seriously, if there is ever a time for you to justify consuming a pound of shrimp cocktail as a dinner for one, it’s Valentine’s Day. You know you want to.)

Read our full ranking of the best shrimp cocktail platter

Patti’s Good Life Mac & Cheese

Okay, so maybe you came to this article hoping to find logical, healthy meals for one (and not how to make yourself feel better on Valentine’s Day by drowning your sorrows in a pound of shrimp). I’ll try to be a little more helpful going forward, but first, consider this: Think of all the food you can eat as a single person that you would otherwise avoid eating in the early stages of a relationship. For example: decadent, dairy-packed, ooey-gooey mac and cheese. Just one box of Patti LaBelle’s Good Life Mac & Cheese has four servings, each one packing 34 grams of fat and 20 grams of saturated fat. If you’re thinking, gee, that sounds like it might wreak a little gastrointestinal havoc, you’d probably be right. But who cares? You’re single. In fact, go the extra mile and top it with some Kooshy Croutons Poco Picante for a thick layer of breadcrumbs. See? Don’t you feel better already?

Read our full ranking of the best mac and cheese

First Street Jumbo Oven Roasted Seasoned Chicken

Yes, here I go again, recommending huge portions of food that would normally feed an entire family (that you don’t have, you sad, sad single)—but I stand by this one. If you are constantly meal prepping lunch and dinner for one, rotisserie chicken should be a staple in your fridge. You can throw it on pasta and sandwiches, keep it around as a midafternoon snack, or cook up a comforting chicken dinner with some gravy and mashed potatoes. Alternatively, on Valentine’s Day, you can eat the entire rotisserie chicken by yourself without an ounce of guilt or remorse. First Street’s oven roasted seasoned chicken will make you want to do just that. This is the most savory, juicy, flavorful grocery store rotisserie chicken I’ve ever tried. 

Read our full ranking of the best rotisserie chicken

Stouffer’s Roast Turkey

Speaking of an easy dinner for one, if you don’t want to fit a whole roasted chicken in your fridge, that’s fine. Here’s a very cheap, very delicious microwavable turkey dinner to remind you to be thankful that you’re not in a relationship. Protect your peace. 

Read our full ranking of the best frozen meals under $5

Ben & Jerry’s Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough Ice Cream

You knew it was coming. There’s no point in spending Valentine’s Day alone without a pint of Ben & Jerry’s Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough Ice Cream ready. In fact, according to every romcom ever, sitting alone on your couch eating ice cream straight from the tub frequently precedes falling in love. Take it from us—with 10/10 sporks, this stuff is definitely magical. Not that you need any magic, you sad, sad single. You already have everything you need. Especially now that your fridge is stocked. 

Read our full ranking of the best ice cream

About the Author

Ariana Losch

Ariana Losch is a Sporked contributor, webcomic writer, java junkie, and bad TV enthusiast. She only ever feels at peace laying out on a beach like a kebab, roasting in the sun; sadly, she can never move back to Florida, her home state, because there simply isn’t enough good Mediterranean food. You can find her overstaying her welcome at just about every LA coffee shop, working on a screenplay and avoiding all eye contact. (She is embarrassed to be there, please leave her alone.)

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