Up until this year, there was not a huge overlap between the football and astrology crowds. In the great Venn diagram of life, those two groups of people were pretty much an 8 lying on its side—all diagram, no Venn. Then everything changed when the Swiftie nation attacked. That is to say, when Taylor started dating Travis Kelce, Swifties everywhere swept onto the NFL scene with a fervor yet unmatched, and boy did they liven up the place. Not only did they make football interesting (I mean, come on, now we get Taylor cams), they also added an air of drama. I don’t know about you, but now I am watching football just to see if anyone up in the private boxes happens to be meeting their boyfriend’s parents at this very moment and for no other reason. My point is, now there is an astrology crowd watching football, so for all you game day girlies (and boysies), here is what game day snack you are based on your zodiac sign.
Aries (March 21-April 19): Tortilla Chips
Aries and tortilla chips both go with anything. You name it: salsa, guac, bean dip, spinach artichoke dip, your sporty friends, your nerdy friends…tortilla chips and Aries people are comfy in any situation.
Read the full ranking of the best tortilla chips
Taurus (April 20-May 20): 7 Layer Dip
Tauruses are a calming presence, for sure, but they are also deep, complex people who often have a wilder side as well. Similarly, a 7 layer dip is calming but also multilayered. It can even be a little spicy. And I don’t know about you, but to me there is something wild about a food with seven distinct layers. Lasagna repeats layers, as does cake and tiramisu. But 7 Layer Dip keeps you on your toes while somehow soothing your soul with every creamy bite—just like Tauruses.
Read the full ranking of the best 7 layer dip
Gemini (May 21-June 20): Spinach Artichoke Dip
Spinach Artichoke dip is one of the most contradictory things out there. The name makes it sound like pure veggies, but it tastes like straight-up creamy, cheesy goodness. In reality, it is a little bit of both, and that is the magic of a good spinach artichoke dip. This is much like Geminis, who have two distinctly different sides to their personalities, but somehow those two sides often manage to come together to create one beautiful, veggie-packed-but-also-cheesy person.
Read the full ranking of the best spinach artichoke dip
Cancer (June 21-July 22): Pigs in a Blanket
Cancers may not immediately seem like a great time, but once you take a moment to get to know them, they immediately change your mind. Pigs in a blanket—little hot dogs wrapped in pastry or croissant dough of some sort—are the same way. We’ve all had these things, but they consistently exceed expectations. The hot, flaky dough and the salty deliciousness of a mini hot dog make a pairing that’s never boring to bring to a party, just like Cancers.
Read the full ranking of the best Trader Joe’s frozen appetizers
Leo (July 23-August 22): Chicken Wings
Can you legally have a football party without wings? No. Can you legally have ANY event without a Leo present? Also no. Leos are the party. They know it, and it’s time we figured it out, too.
Read the full ranking of the best frozen chicken wings
Virgo (August 23-September 22): BBQ Potato Chips
Listen. Virgos are busy. They are making time in their busy schedule to come to your football watch party, and the last thing they need is someone asking them to actually cook something. Enter BBQ potato chips, a classic, crowd-pleasing, tasty chip that pairs perfectly with most foods that are served on game day. Plus, no prep. I’m tellin’ ya, these Virgos have it figured out.
Read the full ranking of the best BBQ chips
Libra (September 23-October 22): Chex Mix
Libras love balance and harmony, and there are few snack foods that bring more balance than Chex Mix. Between the variety of textures, tastes, shapes, and sizes packed in that glorious blue bag, you’ll probably find it very difficult to get bored eating Chex Mix. Similarly, it is tough to get bored chatting with a Libra—even their conversations are well balanced.
Read the full ranking of the best snack mix
Scorpio (October 23-November 21): Totino’s Pizza Rolls
Totino’s will always have an air of mystery about them thanks to that one SNL sketch that aired back in 2016. So whether you are looking to feed “your hungry guys” or just “your hungry self,” these mysterious little pockets of pizza-flavored goo are sure to wow your football friends. Because much like Totino’s Pizza Rolls, not many people understand Scorpios—but most people still think they’re great.
Read our ranking of all the Totino’s Pizza Rolls
Sagittarius (November 22-December 21): Cheetos
Sagittarians tend to be curious, and Cheetos are one of life’s biggest curiosities. How are they that orange? How are they that cheesy? And how are they that dang good? If anyone can answer these burning questions, it is a Sagittarian. Plus, their innocent curiosity brings out a childlike wonder in others, and I never feel more childlike than when I’m licking Cheeto dust off my fingers.
Read our ranking of every flavor of Cheetos
Capricorn (December 22-January 19): Sliders
Capricorns are very patient, and you may have noticed that sliders are among just a few things on this list that take some prep work. You have to make patties, grill some mini buns, slice up toppings—it’s a whole thing. But if one sign is going to take the time and do it, it’s Capricorns. They take the time and put in the work and that’s why they often get the best results. What can I say? They are just more mature than us mere mortals.
Read the full ranking of the best frozen sliders
Aquarius (January 20-February 18): Taquitos
Aquariuses have big taquito energy. I cannot explain it. As an Aquarius I should know why this is, but I don’t. Instead, I just feel deep in my soul that we Aquarians are taquitos—end of story.
Read the full ranking of the best frozen taquitos
Pisces (February 19-March 20): Chocolate Chip Cookies
You have to have a dessert at the game day potluck, and who better to bring it than a sweet, sweet Pisces. As the most whimsical and nostalgic of the signs, of course your Pisces friend is going to make freshly baked chocolate chip cookies, and of course the cookies are going to steal the show. Everybody needs a show-stopping cookie sometimes, just like everyone needs a Pisces around sometimes. They both just effortlessly lighten the mood.
Read the full ranking of the best store bought chocolate chip cookies
Thoughts? Questions? Complete disagreement? Leave a comment!