Why All Chips Should Be Kettle Cooked

I’m sorry, regular potato chips. There’s just no room in my life for you anymore. Unfortunately, it’s not me, it’s you. When I want crunch, I want crunch and you just aren’t bringing that to the table. You typically leave a thick layer of grease on my fingers while doing absolutely nothing for my mouth. That’s why I believe we, as a society, should only be consuming kettle cooked chips.

What is a potato chip’s job if not to provide texture? If I’m going to place a potato chip in my mouth and it melts on my tongue (*cough* Lay’s *cough*), what’s the point? I need a chip that gives my teeth a run for their money.

And that’s not to mention all the other things I want to use potato chips for that just don’t work with the regular variety. My #1 favorite way to consume chips is to put them on a big, messy sub. They add crunch to a typically soft sandwich that I adore. Sadly, regular chips get soggy almost immediately when you use them this way. To get the desired effect, you either need three times as many regular chips or you need to eat your entire hoagie in 30 seconds flat. Want to be able to relax while you eat your sandwich? Kettle chips are your best bet.

sandwich flavored lay's

5 Sandwich-Flavored Chips Lay’s Needs to Make ASAP

We all know that sandwiches are better with chips. In my mind, there is no sandwich that couldn’t benefit from the addition of a crunchy wisp of potato—ice cream sandwiches included. So why not cut out the middlemen (the bread, meat, spreads, etc.) and create sandwich flavored chips?

Do not even think about dunking a regular chip into dip. It will break in half the moment it touches anything wet leaving you completely dipless. Instead of enjoying your appetizer, you’ll be fishing chip chunks out of your guacamole. Kettle Chips, on the other hand, can hold up to even the thickest onion dips.

Another vital feature of kettle cooked potato chips is that they retain more flavor than your average potato chip. The ridges and pockets created by the kettle cooking hold significantly more seasoning powder, so you aren’t just getting amped-up texture but amped-up flavor. Potato chips go from being salt and vinegar potato chips to salt & vinegar potato chips when kettle cooked.

I’m sorry to absolutely dunk on regular potato chips. I truly am. Lay’s BBQ chips got me through my childhood. They regularly accompanied my elementary school cheese and mustard sandwich lunches. And for that, I will always be grateful. But there comes a time in every person’s life when they must let go of the past. They must allow themselves to grow. For me, that day is today. I am almost 30 and the world is quite literally on fire. I don’t have time to waste on wispy potato chips! I must go for what I want, and what I want is exclusively kettle cooked potato chips.


About the Author

Jordan Myrick

Jordan is an L.A.-based writer and comedian who believes all food should come with extra sauce. When they're not writing for Sporked, Jordan is at the movies or sharing an order of french fries with their elderly chihuahua.

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  • Kettle Brand is my favorite brand of potato chips. The regular Sea Salt flavor is my favorite- I always buy the biggest bag and finish it in a few days.

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