“These pretzels are making me thirsty!” This little snippet from Seinfeld will be required viewing for this article, so please watch if you haven’t seen it yet (long story short: Kramer has to deliver the line in a Woody Allen movie, and Jerry, George, and Elaine all have opinions about how he should do it). Pretzels are amazing, but we all know salty snacks can make you thirsty. That’s why we decided to pair five of our favorite pretzels with five of our favorite beers. To add to the fun, I’ll be matching each pairing with a Seinfeld character’s attempt at delivering the line “These pretzels are making me thirsty!” and what it says about the combo.
Kramer’s delivery of the line is the most basic option. It’s cool and straight-forward, and that’s the vibe we get from Synder’s of Hanover Snaps and Kona Light Blonde Ale. The pretzels are classic: salty, crunchy, and buttery. And as Sporked editor-in-chief Justine Sterling pointed out, Kona Light has notes of pineapple, giving it a tropical edge that’ll help you feel as relaxed as Kramer delivering his line.
Elaine delivers the line kind of like she has a stomach ache, so we’re pairing her performance with this gluten free combo. If gluten is your gastrointestinal enemy, that doesn’t mean beer and pretzels are off the menu. These gluten free Snyder’s pretzels actually taste like pretzels, which isn’t always the case when brands are working with alternative flours. Likewise, this Glutenberg IPA has everything you like in an IPA—particularly those grassy, floral flavor notes—except the gluten. It’s a beer with a little bit of a kick—kind of like Elaine when she’s dancing.
When you want extra, you get George and his rendition of “These pretzels are making me thirsty!” I mean, wow, act George! Extra is the name of the game when you pair Unique Snacks Extra Dark Splits and Allagash White together—extra wheat that is. Take a toasty pretzel, cooked so long it’s charred on the outside, and wash it down with a gulpable Allagash White, made with big, juicy flavors like coriander and orange peel. Reach for these when you know what you want: a real wheat feast.
Jerry’s version of “These pretzels are making me thirsty” is delivered with a touch of snootiness. He’s got a problem and he needs someone else to solve it. Nothing says snooty like your friend who went to Germany for Oktoberfest three years ago and won’t stop talking about it. Shut them up with a box of these Kroger Bavarian Style Soft Sticks Pub Style pretzels and a bottle of Paulaner Oktoberfest Marzen. Senior writer Jordan Myrick really freaked out for these pretzel sticks, writing, “These are better than any soft pretzel I’ve ever had at a restaurant.” And the beer is as authentic as it gets, no matter how snooty the friend.
You caught me. I ran out of Seinfeld characters for this final beer and pretzel pairing, but that’s okay because it’s a unique one that doesn’t need a crutch. Milk chocolate-covered pretzels were made to be served alongside a hearty stout, especially the North Coast Old Rasputin. “There’s pronounced bitterness but it’s not overwhelming; it simply lingers on the back of your tongue so you don’t forget that you’re drinking a stout,” Justine wrote in her ranking of the best stouts. The sweetness from the pretzels compliments the roasty bitterness of the stout. You’ll never go thirsty with this combination!