I Tried All the Hot Pocket Flavors and Lived to Tell the Tale

The best Hot Pockets flavors are salty, cheesy, and reminiscent of classic dishes we all know and love. Hot Pockets should have a perfectly crispy outside and be filled to the brim with gooey stuff.

Before this taste test, I hadn’t had a Hot Pocket since childhood. I used to make the four cheese pizza ones for myself when my parents had to work late. At the time, they were sensationally delicious. Going into this, I was certain that Hot Pockets couldn’t be as good as I remembered. I mean, they’re literally just a scalding hot bread pocket of mush. They had nostalgia on their side, but my palate is so much more mature now.

But my fears were unfounded. Hot Pockets are delicious. Very delicious. It was my honor and privilege to try every single flavor of Hot Pockets and rank them from worst to best. I love these pastry logs filled with goo. I loved them in this order, specifically. Here are all the Hot Pocket flavors that we could get our hands on, ranked.

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Hot Pocket!

Big & Bold Buffalo Chicken (Buffalo Blasted Crust)

This was the biggest disappointment on the list because it was the flavor I was most excited to try. I love anything and everything buffalo chicken. This, unfortunately, was not buffalo chicken. This tasted like hot sauce mixed with marinara and something a little creamy and then a ton of weird shreds of chicken. It was so mushy. I wanted big pieces of chicken with lots of spicy, zesty sauce and blue cheese chunks or melty mozzarella. Bits of celery and carrot could be a welcome addition. Instead, this gave absolutely nothing. It is decidedly not the best Hot Pocket flavor.

Credit: Liv Averett / Target

Rating:

4.5/10

Sporks

Hot Pocket!

Meatballs & Mozzarella (Garlic Buttery Crust)

I was shocked that this was so low on the best Hot Pockets flavors list. This sounds like it would be foolproof. Meatballs, mozzarella, and marinara in a garlic buttery crust? How could this not be a winner? Sadly, it lacked flavor and cheesiness. I think it could be better if you dipped it in ranch, but that is just a theory.

Credit: Liv Averett / Target

Rating:

6/10

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Hot Pocket!

Big & Bold Chicken Bacon Ranch (Ranch Blasted Crust)

This was the more “bold” of the two chicken-flavored Hot Pockets. There was very little structural integrity, which made it hard to eat. It was very mild in flavor, but super rich and gooey. My biggest issue was that it wasn’t ranch-y enough. Please do not promise ranch-blasted crust if you aren’t going to absolutely blast me with ranch!

Credit: Liv Averett / Target

Rating:

6.5/10

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Hot Pocket!

Sausage, Egg, & Cheese (Croissant Crust)

The Sausage, Egg & Cheese Hot Pocket with croissant crust is definitely good, but it’s nowhere near as good as the bacon rendition. If you don’t have a choice between the two, this is the best breakfast Hot Pocket flavor. It’s just as meaty and cheesy. And this croissant crust is absolutely insane.

Credit: Liv Averett / Walmart

Rating:

7/10

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Hot Pocket!

Four Cheese (Garlic Buttery Crust)

I’m sad that my Hot Pocket ranked so low on the list, but it’s still delicious! It’s so filled with goo and I love that. But, because of that, I would say this is the most dangerous Hot Pocket. The innards turn into lava when you microwave it and will absolutely singe your mouth forever. While it has a great flavor, I want more textural interest inside the pocket. And, more importantly, I wish there were more vegetarian Hot Pocket flavors.

Credit: Liv Averett / Target

Rating:

7/10

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Hot Pocket!

Big & Bold Steak Nacho (Nacho Spice Blasted Crust)

I cannot believe this tastes good, but it does! It tastes like something you’d get from a clear, heated case at 7-Eleven—and I mean that in a good way. It’s sloppy and spiced and ultra cheesy. If you want to dress it up, this would be great dipped in salsa and sour cream.

Credit: Liv Averett / Instacart

Rating:

7/10

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Hot Pocket!

Philly Steak & Cheese (Seasoned Crust)

I stand by the Philly Steak & Cheese Hot Pocket! I love the cheese, the meat is fine, and the sauteed peppers and onions are welcome additions that add so much flavor. It’s not like a real Philly cheesesteak at all, but it’s a tasty Hot Pocket.

Credit: Liv Averett / Walmart

Rating:

7.5/10

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Hot Pocket!

Steak & Cheddar (Crispy Buttery Crust)

Let’s be real. I had literally zero expectations for the steak in these steak-filled Hot Pockets. It was actually pretty decent. It’s not Ruth’s Chris, but it is meat! And much like the ham and cheddar Hot Pocket, the cheese sauce is spectacular. If you prefer a beefier option, this is the best Hot Pocket flavor for you.

Credit: Liv Averett / Walmart

Rating:

7.5/10

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Hot Pocket!

Pepperoni & Sausage Pizza (Garlic Buttery Crust)

This is the best Hot Pocket flavor for lovers of meat lover’s pizza. To me, sausage and pepperoni are a little too much. That being said, I know it is wildly popular and beloved by many. If you’re one of the many, grab a box of these. They’re super stuffed and savory and very, very meaty.

Credit: Liv Averett / Albertsons

Rating:

8/10

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Hot Pocket!

Big & Bold Double Pepperoni Pizza (Herb Blasted Crust)

This Hot Pocket flavor is exactly what it promises: It’s big and bold. It tastes so good, but you just cannot beat the ratios of the original Premium Pepperoni Pizza flavor. The crust doesn’t taste particularly “blasted,” but it is nice! If you love pepperoni, this is the meatiest, best Hot Pocket out there. I wish this had a little more cheese, though. All in all, this is a Hot Pocket for the extra hungry meat-lovers out there.

Credit: Liv Averett / Target

Rating:

8.5/10

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Hot Pocket!

Ham & Cheddar (Crispy Buttery Crust)

Ham & Cheddar with Crispy Butter Crust was the sleeper hit of the Hot Pockets. I thought the ham would taste like rubber and the cheese would taste like plastic. Boy, was I wrong! This Hot Pocket flavor is so gooey, melty, and meaty. The taste was nostalgic. I couldn’t eat one of these every day, but I would absolutely slam one of these if I was drunk or hungover or having a really bad day (or maybe a really good day?).

Credit: Liv Averett / Walmart

Rating:

9/10

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Hot Pocket!

Bacon, Egg, & Cheese (Croissant Crust)

This is the best Hot Pocket to enjoy on a regular basis. If I didn’t know it was a Hot Pocket, I’d think it was a breakfast pastry from a bakery. First of all, the crust is so crispy and flaky. The “croissant” of it all is no joke. The eggs inside are so fluffy. They don’t taste microwaved at all. The cheese is creamy. The bacon is plentiful. There are no misses when it comes to the bacon, egg, and cheese Hot Pocket.

Credit: Liv Averett / Walmart

Rating:

9.5/10

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Hot Pocket!

Pepperoni Pizza (Crispy Crust)

The Premium Pepperoni Pizza Hot Pocket is one of the best things I’ve ever eaten in my life. That sounds like an exaggeration, but it’s not. Keep in mind, I literally eat food for a living. I have been all over the world. I’ve lived all over America. But this Hot Pocket is heavenly. I wish I was joking. I’m not! It is so incredible. I haven’t been able to stop thinking about it since I tried it. Just go buy the best Hot Pockets and thank me later.

Credit: Liv Averett / Vons

Rating:

10/10

Sporks

Chicken Bacon Ranch
Hot Pocket

Rhett & Link loved the classic Chicken Bacon Ranch Hot Pocket with a crispy buttery crust. According to the Hot Pocket website, this appears to no longer be on the market. But, if you have the chance, grab one of these and microwave it immediately!!!

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About the Author

Jordan Myrick

Jordan is an L.A.-based writer and comedian who believes all food should come with extra sauce. When they're not writing for Sporked, Jordan is at the movies or sharing an order of french fries with their elderly chihuahua.

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  • Hot pocket!

    Reply
  • Sadly, the real #1 is no longer with us. Let’s pour one out for BBQ Beef. 🙁

    Reply
  • This was a great article. Thank you for the work you do. I’m getting me some hot pockets today.

    Reply
  • Super fun read, now I need to try this bacon one (the bacon is plentiful made me laugh).

    Reply
  • I wholeheartedly agree with this rating. The pepperoni hot pocket is phenomenal, and the ham and cheese one is probably my favorite of all time. It’s the perfect to-go breakfast!!

    Reply