It happens to the best of us. And the worst of us. And even those who are kind of great and kind of suck at the same time. My point is, most people have to go through a breakup at some point in their lives, and whether that has already happened to you and you just need some creamy, frozen comfort, or that has never once happened to you but you want to be prepared for when it inevitably does, this list is for you. So get your tear ducts and your favorite spoon ready and let’s scoop into Sporked’s top six picks for the best breakup ice creams.
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- Ben & Jerry’s Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough
The best ice cream to eat if you just went through a breakup is the ice cream that allows you to indulge—and what could be more indulgent than two desserts in one?! Chocolate chip cookie dough ice cream says to the world, “Eff this, I’m moving on from them and now I’m going to eat some damn delicious ice cream and I’m going to effing enjoy it.” Hell yeah. Get it, girl. And by it, I mean this Ben & Jerry’s cookie dough ice cream because hooooo boy is this stuff divine. Sporked editor-in-chief Justine Sterling recommends this one for people who think of ice cream as a vehicle for mix-ins (hi, I’m one of those people), and said this ice cream was “packed with hunks of dough. And the dough tastes great. It tastes real. It has that nice bite of salt on the finish and crunchy chocolate shingles for texture.” Honestly, this one is so good it might make you stop crying sad tears and start crying happy ones.
Related: Best Cookie Dough Ice Cream Worth Your Hard-Earned Dough
- Dreyer’s / Edy’s Cookies ‘N Cream Ice Cream
Breakups are the time to get ice creams with mix-ins, and what more iconic mix-in is there than cookies and cream? Heck, turn this up to a ten and add some Oreos in there. Sometimes the best breakup ice cream is any ol’ ice cream, plus Oreos on top. Not that this ice cream necessarily needs that. Sporked senior writer Jordan Myrick assures us that this ice cream is “creamy, there are plenty of cookie chunks, and it’s affordable.” Amazing. You can buy this ice cream, enjoy an amazing night of eating cookie chunks and watching Dirty Dancing, and still have money left for some retail therapy. You got this, friendo!
Related: Best Cookies and Cream Ice Cream: The 5 Best You Can Buy
- Ben & Jerry’s Phish Food Non-Dairy Frozen Dessert
If there’s one thing I’ve learned in this world, it’s that vegans have feelings too, and they also want to eat said feelings after a breakup. As for their food of choice? Surprise! It’s also ice cream (and buffalo cauliflower, but that’s beside the point). So vegans, because we love you very much, here is an indulgent, delicious, plant-based chocolate ice cream packed full of “gooey marshmallow swirls, caramel swirls, and fudge fish.” Jordan was extremely impressed by this one, noting that this ice cream “tastes so shockingly close to Ben & Jerry’s regular Phish Food that I was shaken to my core. It’s creamy and chocolatey and there are plenty of mix-ins.” This is seriously a feat of science. So, my sad broken-up vegans, get yourself some of this ice cream and binge-watch some Brooklyn Nine-Nine, and everything will be A-okay.
Related: I Scream, You Scream, We All Scream for the 10 Best Vegan Ice Creams
- Straus Organic Mint Chocolate Chip Ice Cream
Sometimes the best breakup ice cream is just one that makes us feel something other than pain. So why not get one that makes you feel sweet, cooling mint and itty-bitty chocolate chunks in your mouth? This Straus Mint Chocolate Chip ice cream ticks all the boxes. Not only does it have the perfect number of chocolate chips (we counted) and the perfect minty fresh flavor, Jordan noted the dairy itself is “just so creamy and luscious.” Plus whether your ex liked mint chocolate chip or not, you win. Because if they liked it, then you get this tub all to yourself and they get none, and if they hated it, then you finally get to buy as much of it as you want and face no judgment. Have I overthought this? No, not at all, stop it.
- Häagen-Dazs Vanilla Bean Ice Cream
When all you want to do is cry into a luscious pint of vanilla ice cream, Häagen-Dazs truly has you covered. Their vanilla ice cream, is, as Jordan put it, “absolutely perfect,” just like you were in that relationship. Jordan further described this ice cream as the “most delicious vanilla ice cream you can imagine. The texture is ideal. Vanilla beans speckle the beautiful cream-colored base. It’s sweet without being too sweet.” I’m tellin’ ya. Grab this ice cream, a jar of hot fudge, and some caramel sauce, settle on the couch, put on Pixar’s Coco, and have a marvelous time crying about familial love as opposed to your relationship. You can’t go wrong with the best vanilla ice cream and the best Pixar movie.
- Straus Family Creamery Organic Dutch Chocolate Ice Cream
Sometimes all you need is chocolate. Ben & Jerry’s even has an ice cream called “Chocolate Therapy” (which the Sporked team actually liked quite a bit) and while this isn’t that one, it accomplishes the same task. Chocolate ice cream is such a breakup classic. Some would even call it the best ice cream for breakups, and while I don’t know if I agree with that, I’m aware that this stuff works for a lot of people, so here is the chocolate ice cream we recommend. Sporked managing editor Gwynedd Stuart tried this one and immediately noticed a dutch cocoa-y characteristic to it (think like the cocoa in Oreo cookies). Some of the other tasters noted a hot chocolate-y vibe. Justine even had an Anton-Ego-at-the-end-of-Ratatouille moment and said, “It tastes like childhood.” And if childhood nostalgia isn’t a good way to take your mind off a breakup I don’t know what is.
Related: Best Chocolate Ice Cream: 8 Best Chocolate Ice Creams for Cocoa Lovers
Thoughts? Questions? Complete disagreement? Leave a comment!