All the Kid Cuisine Meals, Ranked

Even if you haven’t bought a Kid Cuisine meal in over a decade, you probably still think you know the best Kid Cuisine meal. That’s the power of nostalgia. But with time comes change, and there’s only one way to know if these iconic trays live up to the memories they made: a head-to-head taste test.

Oh, Kid Cuisine. The microwavable meals responsible for some of my fondest lunchtime memories as a child. I’m not sure what they put in this stuff (sodium), but there was always something about these mini feasts in bright blue trays (sodium) that really activated the dopamine center of my eight-year-old-brain (sodium does that, wouldn’t ya know?). I wanted Kid Cuisine, Banquet meals, and Bagel Bites all day, err-day. And before you ask: Yes, I turned out okay. Not great, but okay.

As an adult now—I know, I can hardly believe it myself—my biggest question going into this taste test was whether or not Kid Cuisine meals hold up after all this time. I’m not expecting them to be great. I’m simply hoping for a guilty-pleasure experience where I can validate my inner child who used to run around the kitchen in excitement as my favorite Kid Cuisine meal spun in the microwave. (Gosh, I had so much energy back then. What happened?) I want Kid Cuisine to be worth all the hype it had back in the ‘90s and early 2000s. I recognize I’m not the intended audience for these frozen meals now, but boy oh boy, I’m still gonna rank the heck outta ‘em. Here’s all the Kid Cuisine meals (sadly, Shark Bites didn’t make the list; we couldn’t find those kid-friendly fish sticks anywhere), ranked from worst to best. 

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Kid Cuisine Mini Corn Dogs

Kid Cuisine!

Kid Cuisine Mini Corn Dogs

These mini corn dogs were a miss for me. Personally, I never had these as a kid (I’m not even sure they were available back then), so I was excited to try them. I really didn’t care that they were bound to come out of the microwave soggy, since I thought the batter would still be pleasantly sweet and keep the turkey franks moist. Sadly, though, there’s an herbaceous quality to the meat that doesn’t mix well with the cornmeal batter—and that mushy texture I’d braced myself for doesn’t help matters. Still, I actually don’t think these are too bad. If your child (or you—no judgment here) are corn-dog obsessed, you might like this Kid Cuisine meal.

Credit: Merc / Walmart

Rating:

6.5/10

Sporks

Kid Cuisine Level Up Mac & Cheese Bites

Kid Cuisine!

Kid Cuisine Level Up Mac & Cheese Bites

As someone eternally jaded by grocery store mac and cheese bites (there just aren’t that many good options), I actually didn’t hate these! Are they small, slightly sad, deflated balls of noodle and cheese? Yes. But I’d still eat every single one. Plus, they come with a mildly disturbing but surprisingly edible cheese dip for the french fries (I don’t know about you, but I will eat cheese fries in just about any form), and vividly blue sugar cookies with a satisfying crunch that dye your tongue. This is the only Kid Cuisine meal with a savory dipping sauce. I have to give credit where credit is due. 

Credit: Merc / Kroger

Rating:

7/10

Sporks

Kid Cuisine All Star Nuggets

Kid Cuisine!

Kid Cuisine All Star Nuggets

This is exactly what you want from Kid Cuisine meals! Nuggets, you guys! Nuggets! The breading is nicely seasoned with pepper, and the meat miraculously doesn’t deflate in the microwave. The nuggets come with a side of mac and cheese, corn, and a brownie with sprinkles. And hey, that corn? It’s weirdly good. Very plain, but still flavorful—more so than the mushy mac and cheese, but I still ate that stuff right up, so who am I to complain?

Credit: Merc / Walmart

Rating:

8.5/10

Sporks

Kid Cuisine Level Up Cheese Quesadilla

Kid Cuisine!

Kid Cuisine Level Up Cheese Quesadilla

Amazingly, fresh out of the microwave, Kid Cuisine’s cheese quesadillas accomplish something quite unexpected: actual cheese pull. Honestly, for microwaved quesadillas, these are satisfyingly cheesy. They even come with my personal favorite Kid Cuisine side of all: vanilla “moon” cookies. Man, these crisp, vanilla-wafer-esque cookies are so rad. (Can you tell I was born in the ‘90s?) They’re slightly softer than the blue “unicorn” cookies, and they come with a hot chocolate fudge sauce for dipping. Kid Cuisine should really sell these on their own. 

Credit: Merc / Instacart

Rating:

9/10

Sporks

Kid Cuisine Level Up Dino Chicken Nuggets

Kid Cuisine!

Kid Cuisine Level Up Dino Chicken Nuggets

Kid Cuisine Dino Nuggets have it all: nostalgia and yumminess. They take the classic appeal of the All Star Nuggets and give them a theme. We love a theme almost as much as children love dinosaurs! Something about the shape of dino-nuggets makes them more appetizing, with crispy edges that gives you an actual crunch on the bite. For dessert, you can snack on white chocolate pretzel “bones” dipped in a “tar pit” chocolate sauce. C’mon, that’s kinda fun. Sure, the french fries are too short and stubby—but they still taste like salted potatoes, and that’s hard not to like. This is a 10/10 in my book. My inner child wins today.

Credit: Merc / Instacart

Rating:

10/10

Sporks


About the Author

Ariana Losch

Ariana Losch is a Sporked contributor, webcomic writer, java junkie, and bad TV enthusiast. She only ever feels at peace laying out on a beach like a kebab, roasting in the sun; sadly, she can never move back to Florida, her home state, because there simply isn’t enough good Mediterranean food. You can find her overstaying her welcome at just about every LA coffee shop, working on a screenplay and avoiding all eye contact. (She is embarrassed to be there, please leave her alone.)

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