I Renew My Costco Membership Just to Buy This Cake

I have been to quaint bakeries in Paris, lavish weddings in New York City, and my very own mother’s kitchen in Los Angeles, so you can trust me when I tell you that I have had many incredible cakes in my life. That being said, no cake on this Earth can hold a candle to the world’s most delicious baked good: David’s Cookies Premier Chocolate Cake from Costco. Each year, I renew my Costco membership for the sole purpose of purchasing this earth-shatteringly delicious cake.

In an early pandemic panic to do something nice for my best friend’s birthday, I went to the one fun place we were still allowed to go during Covid: the grocery store. Nothing in the Ralph’s bakery piqued my interest and the Trader Joe’s pastry section felt literally and figuratively stale. Costco was the final option.

I perused the aisles for anything even remotely exciting or festive. Face masks, gift cards, and tequila all made their way into the cart, but it still felt a little underwhelming. Nothing had the pizazz needed to spice up a quarantine celebration. That’s when I turned the corner and saw it: The Cake.

The cake sat in a special cooling case, just waiting for my arrival. Its beautiful, shiny top glistened in the fluorescent light like the ocean at sunrise. I immediately snatched it up—it was one of the last remaining in the case—and set it in my cart. But as beautiful as it was, I was unsure that it would deliver in the taste department. I often find non-homemade cakes to be dry and devoid of real flavor. It was just so beautiful, though, so I set my fear aside and forged ahead.

At the register, I was shocked to find out this enormous, hubcap-sized cake that was designed to feed an entire party of people only cost $12.99. While this made me even more skeptical that this beautiful work of chocolate art might taste like absolute trash, I was soothed knowing that my wallet would be fine even if this cake experiment was a failure.

When I brought it home and unveiled it to the birthday boy, I was met with “oooo’s” and “ahhhh’s.” It was and is, after all, stunning. The perfect swooshes of espresso-colored frosting and chocolate shard-covered sides make it seem much more expensive than it actually is. It’s only $12.99, remember?!

I cut a hefty slice for each of us and we dug right in. I was immediately taken aback by the way my fork glided through the layers. The cake was so moist it was practically wet. The notes of chocolate were rich and complex. The frosting was sweet, but not too sweet. It was, in a word, perfect.

If it weren’t for this cake, I would forsake my Costco membership entirely. I don’t need three dozen eggs, or four jugs of milk, or a sack of onions larger than my torso. What I do need, however, is this cake. In my household, this cake has become a reason to celebrate literally (and I mean literally) anything. Good haircut? Costco chocolate cake. Getting over the flu? Costco chocolate cake. It’s Wednesday afternoon? Costco chocolate cake. It’s the treat for any occasion and I’ve fully dedicated my life to it.

I will eat this cake for every birthday and serve it at my wedding (an event that currently has no plan to happen). I implore you to get a Costco membership just to try this cake. It will be worth it. And I promise you this: If you buy it and don’t like it, email me and I will come over and finish the rest of the cake for you.


About the Author

Jordan Myrick

Jordan is an L.A.-based writer and comedian who believes all food should come with extra sauce. When they're not writing for Sporked, Jordan is at the movies or sharing an order of french fries with their elderly chihuahua.

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  • This cake is in fact the greatest thing I’ve ever eaten

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  • I once ate nothing but this cake for an entire day. Breakfast, lunch, and dinner. And I would do it again.

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    • Same.

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  • Pro-tip use your Insta-Cart to get this cake and really almost any bakery item from Costco without the membership. (Not a sponser)

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  • This cake really slaps. I am not much of a cake eater. In fact I usually avoid it. But this chocolate cake from Costco is my always exception. I had it for the first time at my Sister-in-law’s family birthday party. As we all took our first bites, one by one, our eyes widened and we all began to laugh in both shock and awe. Due to an inexplicable addiction and weight gain, we’ve had to limit the purchase of this heavenly cake to once a year. It makes the holidays that much sweeter!

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  • the main reason I claim to not like cake is that cake is so often dry and shitty. I might need to try this out though it could be dangerous for my sports performance.

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    • Try it and let me know!

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  • Yknow, I don’t even like cake. Anything cake related, even frosting, I have no desire for. But this, this article makes me want to forget all of that and eat this whole cake.

    Reply