New Alani Nu Cotton Candy Energy Is Shockingly Accurate (But Is That a Good Thing?)

As I first revealed back in April, Alani Nu has released a Cotton Candy energy drink. Let’s find out if this zero-sugar drink can successfully replicate a pure sugar flavor.

I’m fighting some trauma with today’s review, y’all. If you’ve ever read the little bio attached to my outdated headshot here on Sporked, you know I have some history with cotton candy. (We can get into my carny lore later.) All you need to know for now is that I am a hard sell when it comes to anything cotton candy related; if I have anything nice to say about this drink, it has earned it.

New Alani Nu Flavor!

Cotton Candy Alani Nu Energy

Walmart

Pros: I don’t know how, but they did it. This is the most accurate cotton candy-flavored anything I’ve ever had, and I promise I’ve eaten more cotton candy than you. It’s hard to actually describe what that flavor is, but it’s exactly what you’d want this drink to be. Alani Nu even pulled off the mouthfeel of just dissolved cotton candy. Flavor aside, this has got to be a scientific milestone of some kind; Alani Nu Cotton Candy deserves a technical achievement award for how well this one came out.

Cons: It’s well done, but it’s not for me. I had some of my faithful test subjects try this one to make sure I was giving a well-balanced review despite my biases. They all agreed on one thing: This is sweet. Alani Nu Cotton Candy might be the sweetest zero-sugar drink ever made. I’ve built up a tolerance to sweetness, but if you’ve ever put down an Alani Nu because it was too sweet, this is going to knock your socks off.

Credit: Liv Averett / Walmart

Rating:

7.5/10

Sporks

Okay, so what’s your history with cotton candy?

I’m saving the full history for my memoirs, but here’s the short version: I ran a boutique cotton candy company with some friends for a year or so. We lost a lot of money and we ate a lot of cotton candy to test the 40+ flavors we were selling. Have you ever washed stale cotton candy out of your eyebrows? Have you ever tasted burnt cotton candy? I have lived a cotton candy carny life I’m more than happy to leave behind.

Where can I get Alani Nu Cotton Candy?

I found this in-store at Kroger and Meijer, but this new Alani Nu flavor will be rolling out wherever Alani Nu is sold. I’m glad Alani Nu hasn’t fallen into the “retailer exclusive” trap like so many other energy drink brands; could you imagine the sorority riots if a new Alani Nu drink was exclusive to a regional chain?