Here’s What Lunchables You Are Based on Your Zodiac Sign

Remember when you were a kid and had to make it through seven hours of school, soccer practice, and the stress of choosing which puffle to get on Club Penguin with nothing but a Lunchables in your belly? Ah, the good ol’ days. It may not qualify as a meal now that you’re all grown up, but a Lunchables still makes a great (and highly nostalgic) snack. When there are nearly 20 Lunchables to choose from at the grocery store, you might need a little help finding the right one (especially if you’re a Libra). That’s where we come in! Here’s a carefully curated guide to which Lunchables aligns with your vibe based on your zodiac sign. Are you a Cracker Stackers or a Pizza Treatza? This is very important, so read on to find out.

Aries (March 21-April 19): Lunchables Mozzarella & Pepperoni

Aries, you want to win, you want to compete, and you don’t want to do it the easy way. That fiery spunk calls for a little bit of spice. That’s why this (kid-friendly) spicy pepperoni and mozzarella treat with crackers is the snack for you. Plus, if anyone is going to take the best parts of a pizza and turn them into a nifty little snack, it would be a risk-taking Aries.

Taurus (April 20-May 20): Lunchables Light Bologna & American Cracker Stackers

Some may call you stubborn, Taurus, but, really, you just know what you like and you don’t need to change to please anyone else. As the saying goes: If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it. That’s why you get the bologna and cheese Cracker Stackers. It’s in the traditional Lunchables format, it has your tried-and-true bologna and American cheese, and it even comes with a dang cookie. These are flavors that have stood the test of time for a reason. They’re delicious and it’s not your fault that you know it!

Gemini (May 21-June 20): Lunchables Pizza Treatza

Gemini, I know you’ve endured a lot of hate for being “two-faced” or “flip-floppy,” and that is exactly why I’m giving you a special treat(za). Geminis have multifaceted personalities, and this Lunchables is two different snacks in one: a pizza and a treatza. You want savory? Bam, you have a cheesy pizza. Sweet tooth acting up? Spread that frosting and sprinkle those candy-coated chocolate chips on that treatza, baby! This is the Lunchables that allows you to change your mind however and whenever you want.

Cancer (June 21-July 22): Lunchables Crispy Grilled Cheesies

I’m nothing if not a Cancer defender. Sensitive and empathetic, you just love and care so much for those around you—how could people not expect you to shed a few (thousand) tears now and again? That’s why you deserve the ultimate comfort food: a Lunchables grilled cheese. Warm and gooey on the inside like you, this grilled cheese is like the sandwich version of the nurturing love you give to everyone around you.

Leo (July 23-August 22): Lunchables Uploaded Turkey, Ham and American Sub

You’re a star and you know it, Leo. You basically wake up with “I Want It All” playing on loop in your head, so if you’re going to get a Lunchables, you’re going to get the one that does the most. This sucker has a sub. It has Cheez-Its. It has a little packet of gummy worms, for god’s sake. You know your worth and so do we, and that’s why you need a Lunchables worthy of the spotlight.

Virgo (August 23-September 22): Lunchables Pizza with Pepperoni

Virgo, you’ve been called a control freak, but we get it. You just want things the way you want things. That’s why you get this build-your-own pepperoni pizza Lunchables. You can make pizza with the ideal amount of cheese, sauce, and pepperoni. In other words, you’ll get to enjoy pepperoni pizza prepared the right way.

Libra (September 23-October 22): Lunchables Nachos Cheese Dip & Salsa

You make a pros-and-cons list to decide which shoe to put on first—so what? What some see as indecisiveness is really just you thinking everything through. In this world of too many choices, the ideal Lunchables for you is Lunchables Nachos Cheese Dip & Salsa. You get two options in one. Regardless of how many times you go between wanting to dip your chip in creamy nacho cheese or spicy-sweet salsa, you can rest assured that you’re never making the wrong choice.

Scorpio (October 23-November 21): Lunchables Crispy Pepperoni Pizza Grilled Cheesies

No need to hide in the shadows, Scorpio—your secrecy is safe with us. Beneath your air of mystery lies strong feelings for those you love, and the physical manifestation of that is (obviously) a Lunchables Crispy Pepperoni Pizza Grilled Cheesies. It may look like a regular grilled cheese on the outside, but spicy pepperoni hides within. It’s enigmatic, just like you.

Sagittarius (November 22-December 21): Lunchables Ham & Swiss Cracker Stackers

You’re a thrill seeker, an adrenaline junkie, and you’re not going to take no for an answer. In my mind that equals one thing: a Ham & Swiss Lunchables Cracker Stackers. Hear me out. There’s a certain thrill inherent to a meal you stack (since there’s a risk of it toppling over), plus you’re going a little bit rogue by choosing Swiss over American or cheddar. And the ham, well, the ham is your core: your blunt honesty. I don’t know what it is about ham, but it feels like the most no-nonsense Lunchables meat, and that’s exactly what you are, Sagittarius.

Capricorn (December 22-January 19): Lunchables Dunkables Mozza Sticks with Marinara & Breadcrumbs

Lunch? Who’s got the time? You’re a Capricorn—you’re making money moves* while keeping a structure to this go-getter lifestyle. You need a snack you can eat on the go, so you get this weird little Lunchables that’s like an uncooked mozzarella stick. What screams ambition more than making a mozzarella stick into a dissected, procedure-based snack? 

*Disclaimer: I do not support skipping lunch nor making “money moves.” Please nourish your body, and consider ditching hustle culture in favor of self-care. Thanks!

Aquarius (January 20-February 18): Lunchables Dirt Cake Snack Pack

Aquarius, you’re probably averse to someone telling you which Lunchables to eat. You don’t need someone to tell you what to do! You march to the beat of your own drum. Your uniqueness deserves to be complemented by an equally unique snack: Lunchables Dirt Cake Snack Pack. Enjoy dunking colorful gummy worms in chocolate frosting and dirt (aka cookie crumbs) while you do whatever you want, whenever you want, however you want! Some people just don’t get the beauty of your gummy snack, and that just means there’s more of it for you.

Pisces (February 19-March 20): Lunchables Cookie Dunks

You feel a lot, Pisces, and I feel for you. You see the beauty in the world, you feel the tears of others, and you need a snack whose beauty you can admire while it comforts you. You get Lunchables Cookie Dunks. Not only does this include comforting little chocolate chip cookies, but you get to let loose that artistic side and decorate your cookies with frosting and colorful sprinkles. Shed a happy tear as you enjoy the beauty of this weird little snack.

About the Author

Madison Ramirez

Madison Ramirez is an LA-based writer who struggles with food getting cold on her while she’s too busy rambling about how its texture compliments its taste. Whether it’s a gourmet meal with the most tender steak known to man, or a pepperoni and cheese Hot Pocket, she has almost too many thoughts and opinions on it all.

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