What Iconic Costco Food Are You Based on Your Zodiac Sign?

As an enfranchised citizen of the United States of America, I firmly believe that Costco is always the vibe. Always. They have so many samples that you could eat a full meal just walking down the aisles. They have a dirt-cheap food court with a bunch of delicious items. And on top of that, they carry the good toilet paper. Do I spend too much money every single time I go there? Absolutely. Is it always worth it? Who cares—it’s Costco, baybee! They sell so many iconic items that are affordable, delicious, and that you really can’t get anywhere else. In conclusion: Costco is always the vibe but you are, too, so here is our guide to which iconic Costco item you are based on your vibe, aka your zodiac sign.

Aries (March 21-April 19): Rotisserie Chicken

costco horoscope aries

People born under Aries like to be number one, and this deal literally cannot be beat. It’s a whole, warm, deliciously seasoned rotisserie chicken for $5. I repeat, FIVE DOLLARS. It is a good deal even by Costco standards—they are practically paying you to take home a scrumptious bird. This chicken is an unequivocal winner amongst winners and so are you, Aries.

Read the ranking of the best grocery store rotisserie chicken

Taurus (April 20-May 20): Double Chocolate Chunk Cookie

costco horoscope taurus

Tauruses like to be comfy cozy and this cookie is so big, warm, and cozy you could practically take a nice long winter nap on it. So get this cookie and eat your heart out Tauruses…or just nap on it. Either way, a big win of a cookie.

Read our review of the new Double Chocolate Chunk Cookie at the Costco food court

Gemini (May 21-June 20): Cranberry Orange Bisconie

costco horoscope gemini

Is it a biscotti? Is it a scone? Is it perhaps two different things coming together to create one even more perfect whole thing, just like the different aspects of a Gemini’s personality coming together to create an exceedingly unpredictable but very fun whole person? Is the humble bisconie perhaps the most Gemini bakery item we have ever seen? Was this paragraph made up entirely of questions? How very on-brand. Keep on keepin’ ‘em guessin’, Geminis.

Cancer (June 21-July 22): Cheese Danish

costco horoscope cancer

If you’ve never had a cheese Danish, your first thought might be, “Ugh, a cheesy and sweet pastry? What is that like, cheddar and brown sugar? Blech.” But those who know things know that this is essentially a croissant with cheesecake in the middle (maybe most of you knew that already—I didn’t know this until college because I was living under a rock, I guess). Cancers need to establish trust before they let you into their cheesecake-like emotional centers. Hence the Danish. It may seem a little flaky and strange at first, but once you get to know it, you can tell it is buttery, sweet, delicious, and there for the long haul.

Read our ranking of the 11 best Costco bakery items

Leo (July 23-August 22): Hot Dog and Soda

costco horoscope leo

If people are talkin’ Costco, then they are talkin’ the $1.50 hot dog deal. It is unbeatable. It is delicious. It is iconíque. And I have 100000% heard one of my Leo friends describe herself that way. It is the most talked about Costco item, maybe eve—just like Leos fancy themselves the most talked about people in the friend groups. And let’s be real, nine times out of ten this is actually the case.

Virgo (August 23-September 22): Rao’s Marinara Two Pack

costco zodiac virgo

This Rao’s two-pack from Costco is logical, practical, and amazing for a quick weeknight dinner, but it is also literally the best pasta sauce on the market. In the high school yearbook that is my brain, Virgos are consistently voted most likely to “have it all” and this marinara sauce fits that image perfectly—it’s fun, practical, easy, delicious, and affordable. Busy Virgos, rejoice!

Read our ranking of the best marinara sauce

Libra (September 23-October 22): La Terra Fina Artichoke & Jalapeño Dip

costco zodiac libra

Libras enjoy symmetry, balance, and harmony, and this dip from Costco is all those things and more. It is creamy, cheesy, sour, salty, green, and fresh—it is the definition of “salt, fat, acid, heat” and both Samin Nosrat and Libras everywhere can appreciate the pure synergy that this dip represents. Also, like Libras, this dish can get along well with anyone or anything…except maybe lactose intolerant people.  

(Side note: I have no idea what Samin Nosrat’s sign is, but I need you all to know that I do feel in my heart of hearts that she is a Libra so in the style of the U.S. justice system, this is canon until proven otherwise.)

Read our ranking of the best Costco dips

Scorpio (October 23-November 21): Churro

costco zodiac scorpio

Scorpios are complex and have multi-layered personalities. But even though Scorpios can be difficult to pin down, when we finally meet them where they are, it is always a great time. Similarly, the Costco food court churro, which is being phased out, is becoming more and more elusive and difficult to find. This almost makes it treasure hunt-esque. But if you can manage to track down one of the elusive churros, you will be rewarded with a sweet and complex treat that will absolutely make your day. Very Scorpio.

Sagittarius (November 22-December 21): Chicken Bake

costco horoscope sagittarius

Sagittarians are always on a quest for knowledge and ready to try new adventures. Fun fact: I have no idea what is in a Costco Chicken Bake and I refuse to look it up and ruin the surprise in case I actually try it one day. Thus, I see Costco Chicken Bakes as adventures and I see Sagittarians as adventurers—I rest my case.

Capricorn (December 22-January 19): Pepperoni Pizza

costco horoscope capricorn

Capricorns are the queens of patience and perseverance. They are the only sign with the emotional intelligence to wait 20 minutes for a Costco pizza and not be pissy about it. My evidence? I am not a Capricorn and when I have to wait 20 minutes at the end of a Costco trip for the pizza to be ready, I do indeed get a lil pissy. It is what it is. This is why we need Capricorns.

Aquarius (January 20-February 18): Chocolate Muffins

costco zodiac aquarius

Let’s not beat around the bush here—Costco chocolate muffins are dessert for breakfast. It is just chocolate cake—and a lot of it. This is the kind of breakfast a love interest in an indie film would convince the main character to share with them while telling them to “live a little” and frame it as a commentary on life and how people need to “open their eyes to the possibilities” and “leave the stove on just to see what happens” and “run around pantsless in the rain.” And in my opinion, if it is a breakfast that would fit in a quirky indie film, it is the perfect breakfast for innovative, unique, revolutionary Aquarians.

Read our ranking of the 11 best Costco bakery items

Pisces (February 19-March 20): Kirkland Butter Toffee Cashews

costco zodiac pisces

These cashews are the stuff of fantasy. They are sweet, salty, crunchy, and delicious. And Pisces people are the most fantasy-driven, sweet, sensitive, and empathetic of the signs. They are super intuitive and will often anticipate your needs (lovebirds that they are), so they deserve these toffee cashews to anticipate their needs back. I guess what I am saying is that Pisces people need these cashews but they just don’t know it yet, so get some for them and make their day.

Read the full ranking of the best Costco snacks

About the Author

Jessica Block

Jessica Block is a freelance contributor to Sporked, a comedian, a baker, a food writer, and a firm believer that Trader Joe's may just be the happiest place on earth. She loves spicy snacks, Oreos, baking bread, teeny tiny avocados, and trying new foods whenever she can. Also, if you give her a bag of Takis she will be your best friend.

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