I’m going to say something that I never thought I’d admit: I hate ketchup. Okay, I have to clarify a tiny bit: I hate ketchup that isn’t Heinz. Obviously, Heinz is perfect in every way, but there are situations when it’s not available. This list of alternative fry sauces will come in handy for die-hard Heinz purists like me and for anyone out there who really does hate ketchup in every form. Just because you hate ketchup doesn’t mean you have to eat nude french fries. From a sweet mustard to a super savory mayo, these are the best things to do fries into if you hate ketchup.
- Beaver Sweet Honey Mustard
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Hey, maybe I’ve got mustard on the brain because I was just reading about French’s new mustard Skittles, but, for real, honey mustard tastes so, so good on french fries, especially if ketchup isn’t your jam. If you’ve ever dipped your McDonald’s fries in the honey mustard you got with your McNuggets, you know what I’m talking about. And Beaver Sweet Honey Mustard is just so good. According to Sporked contributor Danny Palumbo, it has “excellent viscosity, strong dijon flavor, and a sweet, nectar-like honey taste.” And if there’s one thing I want to dip fries in, it’s a sauce that’s viscous but not so viscous I wind up with it all over my shirt. If you hate ketchup and want a honey mustard to add to your french fry sauce rotation, this is the condiment for you.
Read the full ranking of the best honey mustard
- Marie’s Creamy Ranch Dressing + Dip
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Fact: Ranch dressing is good on pretty much anything and everything. It’s creamy. It’s zesty. It’s full of herbs—and you just can’t say any of those things about ketchup, can you. If you hate ketchup because it’s not creamy and full of herbs, ranch is what you should be dipping your fries into. And Marie’s Creamy Ranch is the way to go. “It is thick, creamy, and herby,” Sporked senior writer Jordan Myrick wrote in their ranking of the best ranch dressing. “There’s absolutely zero weird chemical-y aftertaste or strange, unnecessary twang.” That’s right—no weird twang! As I’ve said, this ranch would be good on pretty much anything, but it’s particularly good on fries (we recommend Lamb Weston Hand Cut Style fries). Whether you hate ketchup or not, I guarantee this stuff will turn you into a ranch believer.
Read the full ranking of the best ranch dressing
- Tostitos Nacho Cheese
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Did someone say cheese fries? (Yes, I just did.) Honestly, even though the worst fry is a soggy fry—seriously, drizzling fries with ketchup should be a crime—french fries doused in molten nacho cheese get a pass. Better yet, get a lil single-serving cup of this Tostitos nacho cheese and use it as a dip for your french fries. “This is so sensationally flavorful for such a tiny, simple-looking product,” Jordan wrote in their ranking of the best nacho cheese. You can find this stuff at gas stations, but it should really be sold at fancy specialty stores—it’s that good. This is an excellent french fry dipping sauce if you hate ketchup, but we’ll also forgive you if you pour it over fries and then go at them with a little fork, Nathan’s style.
Read the full ranking of the best nacho cheese
- Kewpie Mayonnaise
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Dip your fries in mayonnaise, you’re dead to me. Dip your fries in Kewpie Mayonnaise and you’re one of the real ones. There’s something (MSG) about Kewpie that I can’t put my finger on (it’s the MSG) that makes it so delicious (the MSG) and sets it apart from other mayonnaise out there (I’m almost positive it’s the MSG). If you hate ketchup because it just doesn’t have enough umami to please your taste buds, reach for Kewpie instead! The best french fry dipping sauce should be savory and interesting and go nicely with the creamy, oily taste of fries. This is it. This is the stuff.
Read the full ranking of the best mayonnaise
- Pantai Sweetened Chili Sauce for Spring Roll
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This sauce is perfect for people like me. See, I’m not quite ready to go on record as a ketchup hater because the sweet, tangy flavor of Heinz keeps me in the game. But if you want a less tomatoey alternative, this is the perfect substitute. Pantai Sweetened Chili Sauce is sweet like Heinz ketchup (okay, probably a little sweeter) but has chile peppers in it for a zestier flavor with just a touch of heat. This calls itself an egg roll sauce, but its flavor profile works with pretty much any fried food, french fries included. Hate ketchup? Grab a bottle of this the next time you sit down to a very grown-up meal of french fries and chicken nuggets.
Read the full ranking of the best sweet chili sauce
Thoughts? Questions? Complete disagreement? Leave a comment!