Best Breakfast Foods if You Hate Eggs

I have never related to an article less. I simply could not live without eggs. They are like nature’s savory popping boba, and yes that is something that actually sounds appealing to me. But alas, I am an empathetic person. I know what it is like to hate a food that seemingly everyone else likes (lookin’ at you Cheez-Its), so egg-haters, I see you. I respect you. And I give you five of the best breakfast foods if you hate eggs.

 Birch Benders Organic Buttermilk Pancake Mix

I mean, a stack of pancakes is a classic breakfast food. There’s a reason the song doesn’t go, “Do you like waffles? Yeah, we like waffles! Do you like eggs? Yeah, we like eggs!” Yes, “pancakes” has two syllables and thus flows better, but it also makes sense for pancakes to have a spot in this absolute banger of a tune while eggs were snubbed. For starters, there is one way to cook them (as opposed to 20 billion) and they always come out tasting great. And this pancake mix truly knocks it out of the park. Much like that one Australian show about mermaids, just add water and you get pancakes with a buttermilk flavor that is “absolutely delicious” and a tangy taste that is “tamed by additional sweet, sugary notes that create a perfectly balanced batter.” Your family will dub you the ultimate pancake champion (probably).

Read the full ranking of the best pancake mixes

Looking for frozen waffles because you hate eggs but waffles are chill? Sporked editor-in-chief Justine Sterling said that these “Krusteaz Belgian-style waffles taste so close to homemade—scratch that—restaurant-made waffles it is mind-blowing.” She even said that these were so good they almost made her forget how much she hates the name Krusteaz—and I’m with her on that one. There is nothing appetizing about a “krusty” waffle or pancake. (Note: This product contains eggs.)

Read the full ranking of the best frozen waffles

Farmer John Maple Pork Sausages

Now, you may not like eggs, but sometimes even people who hate eggs need savory breakfast items, too. Enter the sausage, Bacon’s more complex, less popular cousin. Sausage is there for us when we simply (*gasp*) aren’t in the mood for bacon, and boy does this Farmer John sausage deliver. Justine described these casing-less sausages as “pure meat and fat and seasonings. But they still crisp up nicely. And the flavor is out of this world. The maple coats your mouth. The fat is rich and decadent without feeling greasy. It’s filled with umami.” There is literally nothing more you could ask for in a sausage.

Read the full ranking of the best breakfast sausages

If you hate eggs but still want a breakfast that’s on the lighter side of the spectrum, look no further than this instant oatmeal. It is wholesome and hearty, contains “not just oats but also barley, wheat, rye, and quinoa,” and thus actually has some good texture and flavor (rare attributes when it comes to plain instant oatmeal).

Read the full ranking of the best instant oatmeal

I mean, it’s Fruity Pebbles. This is the best fruity cereal out there, hands down. Plus? It sure isn’t eggs.

Read the full ranking of the best fruity cereals

About the Author

Jessica Block

Jessica Block is a freelance contributor to Sporked, a comedian, a baker, a food writer, and a firm believer that Trader Joe's may just be the happiest place on earth. She loves spicy snacks, Oreos, baking bread, teeny tiny avocados, and trying new foods whenever she can. Also, if you give her a bag of Takis she will be your best friend.

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  • I LOVED this! I’m someone who hates eggs and am so glad there’s finally something for people like me who don’t like eggs. A few days ago I ate a deviled egg because I thought maybe it wouldn’t be so eggy but when I ate it I felt like I wanted to throw up the egg whites were rubbery and the yolk was gritty which combined with the taste made me make a face that was less than desirable