There are those who believe that your frozen breakfast item of choice says a lot about you. I am one of those “thoses.” So, whether you are a sweet, savory, fruity, protein-y, or carby kind of so-and-so, you can find out below what frozen breakfast food you are based on your zodiac sign.
Aries (March 21-April 19): Buttermilk Eggos
Aries are a lot like Buttermilk Eggo waffles in that everyone knows them, and everyone who knows them likes them. You really cannot go wrong with a good ol’ fashioned plain Buttermilk Eggo doused in syrup, the same way you can’t go wrong hanging out with your Aries friends. Aries love to be number one and there truly is not a frozen breakfast food out there more ubiquitous and universally loved than the classic Eggo.
Read the full ranking of every Eggo product
Taurus (April 20-May 20): Hash Browns
There are few frozen breakfast foods tastier or more comforting than hash browns. Hash browns are the fries of the breakfast world, and everyone loves them for it. Similarly, being in the presence of a Taurus is always somehow comforting, but they do have that rebellious streak that I would map to the whole “eating fries for breakfast” aspect of hash browns. You get to stick it to the man while being comforted. Truly a win-win.
Read the full ranking of the best frozen hash browns
Gemini (May 21-June 20): DiGiorno Eggs Benedict Inspired Croissant Crust Breakfast Pizza
Now this pizza has a lot going on. It has the croissant-y, breakfasty aspect, as well as the frozen pizza aspect. It is delightful chaos, and that is exactly how I would describe Geminis. Geminis are known to have two different sides to them and to be on the impulsive side. But here’s the thing: Sometimes “kind of a lot” is just the right amount, and this delicious-looking breakfast pizza (and Geminis everywhere) are proof of that.
Read our ranking of the best frozen pizza
Cancer (June 21-July 22): Tina’s Breakfast Burrito, Handcrafted, Egg, Sausage & Cheddar Cheese
Cancers are those people who before you get to know them you don’t think they seem all that interesting and then you have one conversation with them and realize this person’s life will never not be more interesting than yours. Similarly, this frozen breakfast burrito looks like just a boring ol’ frozen burrito but is stuffed to the brim with egg, cheese, and sausage and tastes like heaven. All that is to say, there is more to both Cancers and frozen breakfast burritos than meets the eye.
Read the full ranking of the best breakfast burritos
Leo (July 23-August 22): TJ’s or Costco Açai Bowl
Much like Leos, Açai bowls have been in the spotlight for a while now. They are icons, they are legends, and they are the moment. Thus Leos are frozen Açai bowls—a trendy breakfast that you really have to take the time to sit down and enjoy, the same way Leos want you to sit down and enjoy their company. And can I just say, what a delight they are.
Read our full review of Trader Joe’s Acai Bowl
Virgo (August 23-September 22): Jimmy Dean Biscuit Sausage, Egg & Cheese
Sandwiches were invented for convenience (I assume) and there are few frozen breakfasts more convenient than a breakfast sandwich. Virgos always seem to be Vir-going somewhere (which is why they are called Virgos, I bet), so the most convenient (and yet utterly delicious) breakfast option seems like the perfect fit for them.
Read the full ranking of the best frozen breakfast sandwiches
Libra (September 23-October 22): Great Value Sausage & Gravy Breakfast Bowl
Libras love harmonious, well-balanced experiences and there are few experiences more balanced than a breakfast bowl. It’s like a breakfast burrito, but you can mix all the ingredients together into one tasty, delicious goo and enjoy it. All the flavors at once in every bite. If that isn’t some Libra-level balance right there, I don’t know what is.
Read the full ranking of the best breakfast bowls
Scorpio (October 23-November 21): Bacon, Egg, & Cheese (Croissant Crust) Hot Pocket
Scorpios are mysterious and so are Bacon, Egg, & Cheese Hot Pockets. Hot Pockets are sort of like calzones, but take out the pizza aspect and what is it? A hand pie? A burrito with pastry instead of a tortilla? Still a calzone? What it really is, is a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in bacon (just like Scorpios?), and I am here for it. Also, if I met a person who regularly eats Hot Pockets for breakfast I would find that person very mysterious indeed.
Read the full ranking of every Hot Pocket
Sagittarius (November 22-December 21): Eggo Liege-Style Buttery Maple Waffle
Sagittariuses are very curious people. They want to know what things are, what is going on, and also just generally “why?” That being said, liege-style waffles became super popular this past year, thanks in no small part to the release of Eggo’s take on the delicious sweet treats, but a lot of people have still never had them and are curious about what they even are. Surprise! They are just thicker, denser waffles with large sugar crystals in them and they are absolutely divine. I tried one at some point last year because my curious Sagittarius friend encouraged me to. Thanks, Sagittarians, for encouraging us to try new things, especially when it is something great like waffles and not scary like base jumping or owning up to our mistakes.
Read the full ranking of every Eggo product
Capricorn (December 22-January 19): Frozen Fruit (for smoothies)
Frozen fruit is a huge part of many people’s breakfasts. Using frozen fruit also necessitates having the patience and time in the mornings to make something and clean up after it. Who has the saint-like patience needed to clean a blender after using it at 7:30 a.m.? Capricorns, baybee! Capricorns are some of the most patient people I know and thus they have to be the frozen fruit of the zodiac world.
Aquarius (January 20-February 18): Jimmy Dean’s Pancakes and Sausage on a Stick
This idea is genius and delicious and utterly revolutionary. The first time someone told me this was a thing I thought they were lying because it seemed too good to be true. But it is real. Pancake and breakfast sausage corndogs exist. Aquariuses are these breakfast corndogs because Aquarians are fun and revolutionary and think outside the box—and much like these corndogs, I had to be convinced that they exist.
Read the full ranking of the best frozen corn dogs
Pisces (February 19-March 20): Frozen French Toast Sticks
Pisces are the romantic and whimsical sign of the zodiac, and there are few places more romantic than France. And while French toast is actually Roman and probably older than France itself, it has the word “French” in it, so it goes to the fun, rosy Pisces. Also, what is more fun than dipping precut sticks of French toast into ungodly amounts of syrup? Nothing. Nothing is more fun. And Pisces are a very fun bunch.
Read the full ranking of every Eggo product
