I was never really one to follow astrology as it applies to our daily experiences and decisions. I like to believe that even though our actions and thoughts (and even this article) all boil down to simple chemical reactions and synapses firing in our brains, we still have a certain degree of free will and the power to put some good out into this world, regardless of the position of the sun on the day we were born. But apply that astrology ish to sodas and I am 10,000% there. The below list is what would happen if the zodiac signs were sodas, and as far as I am concerned, it is canon (in the story I am living in, in which I am the main character). And before you ask, no, I am not a Leo. Surprisingly.
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Aries are bold and daring and like to be number one. Coca-Cola is certainly number one in the soda world (sorry Pepsi), and at some point was daring when it had real-life drugs in it back in the olden times.
Taurus: Red Bull
Tauruses are notoriously chill, and I get that. Buuuuuuut this is also the sign of the bull. If sodas were zodiac signs, Taurus would have to be Red Bull. It’s the law. Plus, if a Taurus ever needs to be less chill, this should do the trick.
Geminis are playful, spontaneous, and curious souls. So, of course, they are Starry, the new lemon-lime soda from Pepsi, which is meant to look more playful and fun than Sierra Mist did (RIP). Also, Starry’s drop was pretty much a surprise to me, and I think that covers the spontaneous bit.
Cancer: Ginger Ale
Cancers are intuitive and good at reading others, but have a hard emotional shell themselves. Ginger ale looks kind of plain and boring, but it actually tastes great and makes you feel better when you aren’t feeling well. There is so much more to ginger ale than meets the eye.
Leo: Mtn Dew Baja Blast
We all know this by now, Leos (bless them) love to be the in the spotlight. And boy does Taco Bell center Mtn Dew Baja Blast in everything they do. Plus, the internet centers Taco Bell in everything it (the internet) does. Ya can’t get much more main character than Baja Blast.
Virgos are logical, practical, and methodical, and LaCroix is all those things, too. It’s healthy, there’s a flavor for every occasion, and you can generally find it wherever you look for it.
Libra: Dr Pepper
Libras love things that are balanced or in equilibrium, and Dr Pepper just happens to be a perfect balance of 23 different flavors. What more could a Libra want?
Scorpio: Root Beer
Scorpios are wise, but also elusive and mysterious. Root beer has been around for a long time. It knows what it is and what it isn’t. But we don’t necessarily know what it is or how it gets its unique, spicy flavor (well, unless you’ve read this).
Sagittarius: Jarritos Tamarind
Sagittariuses love trying new things and going on adventures. And Jarritos Tamarind is an adventure for the tastebuds, let me tell ya. It’s sweet, tangy, fruity, bubbly, and delicious. TBH, I highly recommend this soda to anyone, not just Sagittariuses.
Capricorns are patient and dedicated and comfortable in many different situations. Pepsi is the definition of patient and dedicated. My mans has played second fiddle to miss Coca-Cola herself for years and hasn’t given up. Not only that, lots of different people (and restaurants) actually opt to serve Pepsi instead of Coke, so its patience and versatility really are paying off.
Aquarius: Dreamworld Coke
Don’t come at me. I know this dream-flavored Coke was limited edition, but what sums up the innovative, progressive, and revolutionary nature of an Aquarius better than Coca-Cola meant to taste like dreams? Seems pretty revolutionary to me.
Pisces: Flamin’ Hot Mtn Dew
I know I know, Pices are intuitive and empathetic and full of imagination, but, hey. They’re not called “spicy Pisces” for nothin’! And what’s the spiciest of the sodas? Flamin’ Hot Mtn Dew of course. The perfect spicy soda for our spiciest astrological pals.