Here’s the thing. Not everyone likes Mtn Dew. Heck, not everyone has even tried Mtn Dew. Why? Because Mtn Dew’s whole brand is being E X T R E M E, when in reality it is a caffeinated lemon-lime soda with a fun neon yellow color. All of this is to say, you may not think you like Mtn Dew, but I’m here to tell you that there is a Mtn Dew flavor out there that perfectly matches your personality with absolute accuracy. “But Jessica, how can you possibly know my personality?! I am a unique and beautiful flower that cannot be summarized in a single…” Yeah, yeah, okay, but hear me out: Zodiac signs, baybee!! Yep, this is a list of what Mtn Dew flavor you are based on your zodiac sign, so strap in while I dew what I dew best and tell you which dew I dew think matches you.
Aries (March 21-April 19): Mtn Dew Original
Aries loves to win, and the most popular Mtn Dew flavor is, without a doubt, Mtn Dew Original. But just because it is the original flavor doesn’t mean it’s boring. It still has that bright highlighter-colored hue that makes one wonder if it is actually “Mountain” Dew or if it is in fact “Nuclear Power Plant” Dew, but regardless, this flavor is a winner, just like you, Aries.
Taurus (April 20-May 20): Mtn Dew Summer Freeze
I recognize that there is nothing calming about Mtn Dew. It’s kind of like the “Guy Fieri’s shirts” of sodas. But there are few things more calming and inviting than a cold popsicle on a hot summer’s day, and no popsicle is more nostalgic and comforting than the classic rocket/bomb pop. So, Mtn Dew Summer Freeze has to be the flavor for Tauruses, the most calming and inviting of the signs. Mtn Dew really did its best to capture that experience in an alarmingly blue (the most calming color, I might add) liquid that is sure to bring you back to those days by the pool with a half-melted tricolor popsicle in hand and so much sunscreen on your face you look like you either became or saw a ghost.
Gemini (May 21-June 20): Mtn Dew Voltage
Geminis are the most playful and curious of the signs and nothing is more playful than Mtn Dew Voltage. It’s got blue raspberry—the best and definitely not the most childish flavor out there—plus, there’s ginseng and citrus in there too, apparently! One could say this drink certainly has two very different sides to it *meaningfully glances at Geminis in the room*.
Cancer (June 21-July 22): Mtn Dew Code Red
Code Red is an alarming name, but this soda actually just tastes like cherry. In the same way, Cancers have a tough outer emotional shell and can be a bit guarded but are actually quite compassionate and sweet once you get to know them. Also, crabs are reddish…code reddish.
Leo (July 23-August 22): Mtn Dew Baja Blast
I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, Leos like to be the center of attention. But what can I say? Some people (and sodas) simply belong in the spotlight. Mtn Dew Baja Blast has a tasty tropical lime flavor (what even is a tropical lime?), plus she’s the star of every single Taco Bell in existence and she’s a beautiful shade of seafoam green. If that isn’t main character Leo energy, I don’t know what is. Plus, whenever I hang out with Leos, I know I always have a (baja) blast.
Virgo (August 23-September 22): Mtn Dew Cherry Lime Lift Energy Drink
Virgos are productive, logical, and deeply rooted in the facts (like the earth signs that they are). It is a fact that Mtn Dew is already caffeinated, yes, but it is also a fact that Mtn Dew energy drinks are EVEN MORE caffeinated, and this cherry lime situation is no exception. Another fact: You can get a lot done on an aggressive amount of caffeine. Thus, Virgos, you would be this Mtn Dew energy drink because you help us all to get more work done than we ever could without you.
Libra (September 23-October 22): Mtn Dew Spark
Libras love balance, harmony, and equal relationships. I struggle to think of anything more balanced, equal, and harmonious than raspberry lemonade flavor, which is the flavor of Mtn Dew Spark. There are many Mtn Dew flavors, but none of the others have that sweet pink raspberry and sour kick of lemonade that really puts Spark over the top and makes it one of the less “extreme sweetness only” Mtn Dew flavors (lookin’ at you, Voltage).
Scorpio (October 23-November 21): Mtn Dew Pitch Black
Scorpios are mysterious and enigmatic and, let’s face it, so is Mtn Dew Pitch Black. What does “pitch black” even taste like? Apparently “dark citrus punch.” But that brings up the question, “What does ‘dark citrus punch’ taste like?” Good thing our courageous Scorpios can take one for the team, try this out, and let us know.
Sagittarius (November 22-December 21): Mtn Dew Livewire
Energetic and adventurous, one could call Sagittariuses Livewires for SURE. Also, they are a fire sign and Mtn Dew Livewire is a bright, semi-disconcerting orange. Also, and perhaps most importantly, orange ya glad you know a Sagittarius? I sure am.
Capricorn (December 22-January 19): Mtn Dew Baja Passionfruit Punch
Capricorns are all about patience and taking their time, and can I say I have waited YEARS for a mainstream soda brand to make a passionfruit flavor? Hoooooo boy, does that spell patience to me. Thank you, Capricorns, for being way more patient, driven, and dedicated than the rest of us, your ability to follow through is stunning, as are you.
Aquarius (January 20-February 18): Flamin’ Hot Mtn Dew
Why? We didn’t need this! But is it fun that this exists? Most certainly. I think we can all recognize that neither Flamin’ Hot Mtn Dew nor large launch celebrations in Hell, Michigan, would happen without the quirky, fiercely individualistic hijinks of a creative little Aquarius somewhere in the PepsiCo marketing org. Thanks, Aquariuses for keeping things spicy. And speaking of spicy…
Pisces (February 19-March 20): Mtn Dew Baja Caribbean Splash
Pisces are romantic types. They see the world through rose-colored glasses and, hey, this Mtn Dew flavor just happens to be bright pink to match! Plus, the Caribbean is romantic, and also, if Disney is to be trusted, there are apparently some pirates down there, and if that’s not the most romantic thing you ever heard, I don’t know what is. Pisces are also super empathetic and are great at telling how other people are feeling, and I had been feeling for a long time that we needed a guava Mtn Dew flavor and now here we are. Thank you to all the Pisces at PepsiCo!