The 5 Best Things We Ate in April

Another month, another trail of confused grocery store cashiers left wondering why some nutcase needs 15 brands of fiber cereal and every single loaf of Aldi bread. (What can we say? Confusing grocery store employees is a beloved pastime here at the Sporked office.) From a certifiably smelly canned ham taste test (yep, happened) to tastings of exciting new products like Everything Bagel Cup Noodles, we were really on a roll in April. Let’s look back at the five best things we tried in April (and try to forget about that canned ham—ugh).

Kettle Brand Sweet & Spicy Gochujang Potato Chips

I’ve already raved about these gochujang potato chips, but if you missed that, don’t worry—I could talk about them all day, any day. Let me cut to the chase: These are better than your favorite brand of BBQ chips. No, they are not advertised as BBQ flavored, because the gochujang gives them much more depth. These kettle chips are smoky, savory, sweet, and spicy. They have rich notes of maple and cayenne. Be warned: You will have a hard time putting these down. Trust me, even if gochujang isn’t your favorite condiment, you’ll still like these!

Sprouts Pina Colada Frozen Fruit Bars

Do you like pina coladas and getting caught in the rain? Are you not into yoga and have half a brain? Do you like making love at midnight and—you know what, I’ll stop there. The first question is the only one pertinent to this discussion, and if you answered “yes,” you’re going to freak out over these Pina Colada Frozen Fruit Bars from Sprouts. These look and taste like a trendy artisan dessert served to you poolside at a five-star resort. It’s all creamy coconut and meaty pineapple, like a real fruit smoothie freshly blended and frozen. It’s so refreshing. You can take the popsicle out of the beach, but you can’t take the beach out of the popsicle. With May finally here, this is exactly how I want to start my summer!

 Acid League Spicy Serrano Mayo 

This is a fun one. Some people on the Sporked team really couldn’t believe this Acid League Spicy Serrano Mayo was better than Heinz Mayoracha, aka the best condiment we tried in 2023. Alas, a taste test revealed that Acid League makes the best spicy mayo you can find in stores. This spicy serrano mayo is super special. It has a bright zest and fermented serrano pepper spice that elevates it above the many other brands we tried. No offense to our beloved Mayoracha, but damn, this stuff is so yummy.

Rao’s Four Cheese Pasta Bake

“If you want your mac and cheese to seem fancy, call it a ‘four cheese pasta bake,’” said editor-in-chief Justine Sterling when she first took this bad boy out of the oven. This massive batch of twirly cavatappi noodles in a decadent, creamy cheese sauce looks as good as it tastes. It’s rich, nutty, savory, a little peppery, and easily the best of the Rao’s frozen meals we tried. It’s also responsible for one of my personal favorite descriptions of any product we’ve written about at Sporked, courtesy (again) of Justine: “My first tasting note includes an expletive—it’s so good it made me swear. Me, a dainty, innocent mother. Can you even imagine? Anyway, it fucking rocks.” Yeah. It fucking rocks, you guys.

Blue Bell Dr Pepper Float Ice Cream

Let the record show that I never doubted you for a second, Dr P. The moment I heard the news that you and Blue Bell were releasing a Dr Pepper ice cream flavor, I expected nothing less than greatness—and it was greatness we received. It’s like taking the first bite of a freshly made Dr Pepper ice cream float over and over…and over and over and over again. No melty messiness, just fizzy soda foam and softly churned ice cream. It’s a summer miracle, and you better believe I’m going to keep a pint in my freezer to get me through the hot weather.

About the Author

Ariana Losch

Ariana Losch is a Sporked contributor, webcomic writer, java junkie, and bad TV enthusiast. She only ever feels at peace laying out on a beach like a kebab, roasting in the sun; sadly, she can never move back to Florida, her home state, because there simply isn’t enough good Mediterranean food. You can find her overstaying her welcome at just about every LA coffee shop, working on a screenplay and avoiding all eye contact. (She is embarrassed to be there, please leave her alone.)

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