What Coffee Creamer Flavor Matches Your Vibe?

The coffee creamer you use says a lot about you. With options that range from “half-and-half” to “Nestle Coffee-Mate Brown Butter Chocolate Chip Cookie Liquid Coffee Creamer,” there are about a bajillion and three different ways to express yourself via your morning cup of coffee.

Personally, when I’m around my corporate coworkers, I don’t opt for anything crazier than hazelnut coffee creamer for fear of them suspecting I enjoy fun things. But put me in a Walmart by myself and I will pick out the single most outlandish Snickers-ice-cream-double-double-toil-and-trouble-chocolate-brown-butter-mojo-dojo-casa-house-lookin’ Coffee-Mate on the shelf to see if it makes my coffee taste like a melted DQ Blizzard (spoiler alert, it does sometimes). So, without further ado, here is what coffee creamer you are based on your zodiac sign. Believe us, there is something for everybody.

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Aries (March 21-April 19): Mexican Hot Chocolate Coffee Creamer

Aries, I’m told, is a fire sign. And you know what is pretty fire? Coffee with chocolate and cinnamon. At some point, Coffee-Mate collaborated with Abuelita Hot Chocolate to create a cinnamon hot chocolate coffee creamer. It is unique and flavorful, and it’s difficult to find people who dislike it—just like Aries folks.

Taurus (April 20-May 20): Caramel Creamer

Caramel in coffee is never a bad choice. It is sweet, comforting, and a little bougie. (I mean, taking an extra moment to add caramel creamer to your coffee?! In this economy?!). Tauruses are calming and classic and also take that extra moment to slow down for some much-needed self-care. Let’s be real, we all want to be them. They are the caramel creamer in this grand coffee we call life.

Gemini (May 21-June 20): Coffee-Mate Duos (all)

Geminis are the PB&J, the Orange and the Creamsicle, the Vanilla and the Caramel. What do all those things have in common? They are flavors of Coffee-Mate Duos, a line of creamers that combine two classic flavors to make a third, even-more-classic flavor. If that’s not severely Gemini coded, I don’t know what is.

Read our review of Coffee-Mate PB&J Duos

Cancer (June 21-July 22): Oatly Oatmilk Barista Edition

Oat milk creamer is the sleeper agent of the coffee creamer world. At first, you think, “PSHHHH What is this? OATS?!? I bet this tastes like nothing but watery, milky starch. It needs to be at least…three times this creamy!” But then once you try the barista edition oat milk creamer from Oatly, you’ll think to yourself, “Gosh dang it, my coffee is rich and creamy, with notes of oatmeal cookie.” In other words, this stuff will surprise ya, just like Cancers often do when their big personalities appear out of nowhere once you get to know them.

Read our ranking of the best oat milk

Leo (July 23-August 22): Pumpkin Spice Creamer

Please, I’m a professional food zodiac writer. If I had gotten this one wrong, the internet would’ve talked.

Read our ranking of the best pumpkin spice coffee creamer

Virgo (August 23-September 22): French Vanilla Creamer

Virgos are practical, but they still like to have fun. This is, hands down, the tastiest creamer flavor you can dump in your cuppa Joe while still being perceived as a young professional. No one will bat an eye and your coffee will taste faintly of vanilla ice cream. This is just like Virgos—they look put together and they get shit done, but secretly they are living their best lives and having way more fun than you. How do they do it, you ask? That is the question we are all trying to answer every goshdarn day.

Read our ranking of the best vanilla coffee creamer

Libra (September 23-October 22): The Various Girl Scout Cookie Coffee-Mates

Throughout the years, Coffee-Mate has thrown many flavors at us, the proverbial wall, to see if they stick. A couple such flavors include Thin Mints and Samoas (or Caramel & Coconut, as it said on the packaging for whatever reason). People who reviewed these coffee creamers said they were absolutely delicious—a beautiful symphony of Girl Scout Cookie flavor. Libras are known for loving balance and harmony, and a beautiful symphony of concentrated Girl Scout Cookie flavor straight to the dome seems like the only way any Libra would want to enjoy their daily cuppa.

Scorpio (October 23-November 21): Snickers Coffee-Mate

Scorpio season includes Halloween birthdays, and there is no Coffee-Mate creamer more Halloween-y than one that contains the flavor of one of the most beloved Halloween candies. Mysterious and hard-to-read Scorpios dominate spoopy season, and so do Snickers, so there really seemed like no better match for these guys on the coffee creamer market.

Sagittarius (November 22-December 21): Hazelnut Creamer

Hazelnut creamer is so ubiquitous. It is at diners, at Panera, in your grandma’s purse—you name it, it’s there. It’s rivaled only by Miss Thing herself, vanilla creamer. But I ask you this: Why does hazelnut creamer taste so specific, consistent across brands, delicious, and, in my opinion, nothing like hazelnuts? Only curious Sagittarians would know. Sagittarians will have the words to describe what hazelnut creamer actually tastes like. Is it “toastiness incarnate”? “Warm vanilla”? “Nuts (other)”? We need a brave Sagittarian to go on a hazelnut coffee-themed adventure and come back with answers.

Read our ranking of the best hazelnut creamer

Capricorn (December 22-January 19): Mocha Creamer

Capricorns are mature. They are old souls. But they also, much like girls, just wanna have fun. And you know what is fun but also mature, respectable, and just as it was ubiquitous 70 years ago? Chocolate. Add a mocha creamer to your coffee and make it the exciting, tasty, mindful, demure coffee you Capricorns have been dreaming of. You come to the coffee interview like you come to the coffee job—tasty, modest, chocolate in your coffee.

Aquarius (January 20-February 18): Nestle Coffee-Mate Brown Butter Chocolate Chip Cookie Liquid Coffee Creamer

As an Aquarian myself I have a confession to make. I have, in fact, ordered Starbucks drinks with more words than this coffee creamer’s title. I know. Medium Roast me in the comments. But all that is to say that this coffee creamer flavor is innovative. She is not demure nor is she mindful. She is not classy nor is she cutesy and modest. She is pure, unadulterated, unmitigated, revolutionary joy and that is pretty Aquarius of her I think.

Pisces (February 19-March 20): Blueberry Muffin Coffee-Mate

You know what is sweeter than having a blueberry muffin with your morning coffee? Having a blueberry muffin with your blueberry muffin-flavored morning coffee, that’s what. And you know what’s sweeter than that? Pisces folks. They just know exactly what gifts to buy people, exactly what to say (or bake) to make you feel better, and exactly how to remind you of all of the good times. We need this energy, whether we get it from our Pisces friends or from blueberry muffin-flavored coffee creamer.