If Marvel Characters Were Sodas, Here’s What They’d Be

I don’t know about you, but when I watch Marvel movies I am thinking (generally out loud) about one thing and one thing only: If this super powerful being was a soda, what soda would they be? Yes, I am a very fun person to take to the movies. But since you will likely never experience the absolute delight that is going to a Marvel movie with me, I’ll give you that experience right here in this here article. So pull up a seat and turn on Avengers: Endgame, because here is a bunch of Marvel characters as sodas.

Spider-Man: Red Bull

This man just has so much energy. Probably because he is still in high school and back then we all had a lot of energy, but you have to admit that Petey Parker is on a whole other level. Plus, he jumps off of buildings a lot and while I know that Red Bull doesn’t literally give you wiiings (hence the lawsuit), Spider-Man basically gets as close as you can to flying without, you know, actually flying.

Read our ranking of the best Red Bull flavors

Loki: Root Beer

Loki, like root beer, is an acquired taste. Not everyone likes him, but those who do really do. Also, he is known for tricking people, and root beer kind of tricks us all by convincing us it is something besides just wintergreen flavor in soda form, when root beer and wintergreen flavor are super similar, right down to the chemical flavor compound that makes them taste that way (methyl salicylate, aka the one thing I remember from AP Chem). Anyway, Loki makes me think about AP Chem, so that’s kind of a point against him in my book, redemption arc or none.

Read our ranking of the best root beer

Star-Lord: A Mix of All the Fountain Drinks at McDonald’s in One Cup

You know he would do this. Peter Quill is a mess and that’s why we love him.

Thanos: Grape Fanta (because of course)

The dude is purple and nobody likes him. Perfect fit.

Captain America: Coca-Cola

I mean, he’s the star-spangled man with a plan, and if that isn’t Coca-Cola I don’t know what is. Captain America is like a walking old-timey soda pop ad, and Coca-Cola is a walking old-timey soda pop (minus the walking bit). In terms of “classic-ness,” both Captain America and Coca-Cola will always reign supreme, thus Steve Rogers is Coca-Cola (which, coincidentally, is part of a Roy Rogers. Any relation, ya think?).

Read our ranking of the best Coca-Cola flavors

Iron Man: Pepsi

Remember when Captain America: Civil War came out and everyone was choosing sides between Iron Man and Captain America? Well, I don’t think there has ever been a soda pitted against Coca-Cola more often than Pepsi, so Iron Man has to be Pepsi. Also, he is a lot like Pepsi in that you don’t really think you are going to like the guy and then in spite of yourself you don’t mind him at all.

Read our ranking of the best cola

Black Widow: Mtn Dew VooDEW

Natasha is mysterious. Everything from her past deeds to what she sees in Bruce Banner to her natural hair color remains a mystery in the MCU even after her solo film. This air of mystery is why she has got to be Mtn Dew VooDEW flavor. It comes out every fall and is a mystery flavor people can try to guess up until Halloween rolls around and all is revealed. Last year’s release was sour candy flavored; this year’s will be flavored like a specific Halloween candy, but we don’t know which. Plus, the packaging is always pretty cool looking, just like Natasha’s landing poses in every battle.

Read our ranking of every Mtn Dew flavor

Dr. Strange: Dr Pepper

I mean the connection is fairly obvious…they were both, at one point or another, the sorcerer supreme.

Read our ranking of every Dr Pepper flavor

Scarlet Witch: Big Red

I mean, she does wear a lot of red, and her magic is also red, and her hair is also red, but I promise you this goes deeper than that. As red as Big Red soda is, it is not, in fact, berry or cherry flavored—it’s actually kind of like a citrus-tinged cream soda. Thus, there is more to this crimson beverage than meets the eye, and the same is true for Wanda Maximoff. She is very powerful, yes, but she is also strong, determined, caring, kind, and horribly unlucky. But no matter what she does, she is iconic, and there is no better soda to represent her magical, kick-ass self than Big Red.

Read our ranking of the best cream soda

About the Author

Jessica Block

Jessica Block is a freelance contributor to Sporked, a comedian, a baker, a food writer, and a firm believer that Trader Joe's may just be the happiest place on earth. She loves spicy snacks, Oreos, baking bread, teeny tiny avocados, and trying new foods whenever she can. Also, if you give her a bag of Takis she will be your best friend.

Thoughts? Questions? Complete disagreement? Leave a comment!

Your thoughts.

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

  • “I mean the connection is fairly obvious…they were both, at one point or another, the sorcerer supreme.”

    Fucking hilarious!