Star Wars Characters if They Were Sodas

If you’ve ever stayed up for 48 hours straight and lost friends while debating which popular soda brand would be which Star Wars character, then you are in luck. The debate has finally been settled. Read this, then go to sleep.

Luke Skywalker = Coca-Cola

The classics are paired together. Coke is to soda just as Luke is to Star Wars. No matter how much fans may want to see other stories told within that universe, inevitably all things find their way back to Skywalker. No matter how far and fancy new sodas get, we eventually find ourselves going back to Coke classic. In the South, Coke and soda are interchangeable. I can say,“I’ll have a Coke” and people will say, “What kind? Dr. Pepper?” Same thing with Star Wars. I can say, “Let’s watch some Luke” and people will say, “Which one? Ewoks?”

Rey = Pepsi

The star of the newest Star Wars trilogy is a lot like Pepsi: the choice of a new generation. It’s also like Pepsi in that we ordered a Coke, but then we were told, “Sorry all we have is Pepsi.”

Palpatine = Diet Coke

You know that old guy at the office that just crushes Diet Coke after Diet Coke and he doesn’t even finish them? He just leaves all his gross, half-filled, backwash cans all over the place for people to find? And he won’t drink coffee in the morning like a normal person, he goes straight to the fridge and chugs a Diet Coke? That’s Palpatine. Palpatine is that guy and he’s Diet Coke because guys like that love Palpatine.

best soda

Best Sodas from Our Taste Test

What’s the best soda? Here are the best sodas we have tasted throughout our many taste tests.

Snoke = Diet Pepsi

Worse than the Diet Coke guy. Forgot they existed for a second and then remembered and was like “Oh yeah. THAT guy.”

Han Solo = Dr. Pepper

Han Solo is the coolest character and Dr. Pepper is the coolest soda. It just makes sense. Dr. Pepper worked hard for its degree, but I can call it “Pepper” and it doesn’t get mad. One time I told a can of Dr. Pepper I loved it and it just said “I know.”

Grogu/The Child/Baby Yoda = Mr. Pibb 

Grogu eats frog eggs and Mr Pibb tastes like frog eggs.

Princess Leia = Canada Dry 

Leia has a dry wit and Canada Dry, well, it’s right there in the name. Also, Canada Dry ginger ale is perfect for a tummy ache and in New Hope, when she’s relaying that help message in the hologram, she’s holding her tummy a little. Maybe, she could’ve used some Ginger Ale.

Chewbaca = Faygo

Chewy is down with the clown. Also, the one time I had Faygo, I found a hair in it.

Diet Colas Better Than Diet Coke

Looking for a Diet Coke alternative? Try these diet colas. They’re all way better than Diet Coke, according to Danny Palumbo.

Ahsoka Tano = Fanta Orange

Are these two paired together simply because they are both orange? Yes.

Jar Jar Binks = Crystal Pepsi

These two came out to a big splash then almost immediately people realized they weren’t good. Then time passed and a new generation came with its odd nostalgia and said that we should critically re-evaluate them and so we did and, yep they still aren’t any good.

Darth Maul = Barq’s Root Beer

They both have bite.

Yoda = Mtn Dew

Yoda and Mtn Dew are both shades of green. Mtn Dew associates with extreme sports through its advertising and Yoda likes to make his apprentices accomplish extreme tasks in their training. Also, Yoda lived for years on Dagobah, which looks a lot like Florida. Mtn Dew is the unofficial state beverage of Florida.

R2D2 = Jarritos

Arturito is the only Star Wars character that speaks Spanish.

Mandolorian = Coke Zero

If you are going to drink diet soda, then this is the way.

About the Author

Will Morgan

Will Morgan, a freelance contributor to Sporked, is an L.A. based writer, actor, and sketch comedy guy. Originally from Houston, TX, he strongly believes in the superiority of breakfast tacos to breakfast burritos. Will traveled the world as one of those people that did yoyo shows at elementary school assemblies, always making a point to find local and regional foods to explore in whatever place he was, even in rinky-dink towns like Tilsonberg, ON. Will spends his birthdays at Benihana’s. Let him know if can make it.

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  • *jaw drop* Someone was thinking/brainstorming/wondering the exact same specific thing I was, I do NOT believe this?!?
    I love Mando btw.
    But… what about Padme?

  • I didn’t know Snooki was in Star Wars.

    (it’s “Snoke” btw)