If you are or have ever been in your mid-twenties, then you are fully aware that wedding season is upon us. It spans from Memorial Day to October-ish, and every year you get invited to two, three, seven, of your sort of close-ish friends’ big days. Sounds great, right? Wrong. Only one of those 23 weddings is your best friend’s wedding, but that doesn’t matter, you still have to pay through the nose not only to get to each of the other 22 weddings but also to buy the newlyweds a nice gift. AND THAT’S NOT ALL. Sometimes you get invited to (or heaven forbid, asked to organize) a bachelorette party, and lord knows those things are not cheap. And now that I have stressed you out beyond belief (I’m sorry, it’s a trying time of year for twentysomethings), I will now relieve you of at least some of that stress. Trying to throw a bachelorette party on a budget? Here are some bachelorette party snacks that are sure to be a hit in terms of taste, party vibes, and phallic nature.
- Fresh Finds Cheese Puffs
Firstly, we got phallic snacks for a bachelorette party that actually taste good and won’t freak out the children (assuming your bachelorette party might accidentally have children there). These are a great alternative to the iconic gummy…members, in that you know what cheese puffs ~look like~, the bride knows what they ~look like~, all the ladies, gentlemen, and gentlethems know what these puffs ~look like~, and yet onlookers will think nothing but, “Oh look at those galivanting young ladies with their cheesy puffs, how tasteful.” And y’all these are tasteful. These cheese puffs taste so good they even surpassed Cheetos brand in our taste test, with a powerful cheesiness due to “cheese flavor mixed in with the corn, making them completely orange throughout.” These absolutely belong on your list of bachelorette party snacks.
- Betty Crocker Scooby-Doo Snacks Fruit Snacks
It’s funny because they are not phallic. Not even a little. But hopefully, your bride has a sense of humor and you can just hand her a box of these fruit snacks, yell “ZOINKS!” and then skateboard away (or however you like to interact with other humans). These may be on this list as a joke, but joking aside, they do hold up in taste and overall chaotic vibe and your gaggle of ’90s girlies will 10,000% appreciate this.
- Choceur Dark Chocolate Covered Coconut Almonds
So. Your bestie wants a tropical-themed bach (a term I thought referred only to the German composer until I turned 24, suddenly got a bunch of targeted reels in my Instagram feed, and heard it said out loud)? Well, now you can take her there (at least emotionally speaking) with these out-of-this-world bites of tropical joy from Aldi. Editor-in-chief Justine Sterling said Aldi had essentially “turned an Almond Joy into a bite-sized delight,” with these ones and that you should keep a pack of these stocked at all times. I think that includes bach (pronounced “batch”) parties, and I think Justine would agree, y’all need to add these to your list of bachelorette party snack ideas.
Related: 28 Kinds of Aldi Chocolate, Ranked
- Firehook Sea Salt Organic Mediterranean Baked Crackers
Is she obsessed with charcuterie? Then these next two are for her. The first step to “crackers and cheese but elevated” is elevated crackers and, hoo boi, are these things good. Aside from their cheese-ready sturdiness, these crackers are also “so crunchy and they have big chunks of salt that make them even crunchier.” Justine will confirm that these are some of the most charcuterie-ready crackers you are ever going to find, so go grab these, the below cheese, and some prosciutto and make your girl’s entire year (yes, I am implying that prosciutto is more fun than marriage, no I will not be taking questions at this time).
- Creamy Toscano Cheese Soaked in Syrah
Another member of the char-crew-terie has got to be a bangin’ cheese, and this cheese is so good that it made Jordan, a professional food taste tester and Trader Joe’s skeptic, call it “one of the most delicious cheeses I’ve ever tasted in my life.” Why? Because it’s “so flavorful that you don’t need any accouterments to enjoy it” and it even has those little salty crystals that make hard cheeses so friggin’ tasty. GO. GET. THIS. CHEESE. FOR. THE. BACH. PARTY. Plus, if you go the charcuterie route, the vibe will be fancy and you can play Bach at the bach which is a joke that is only funny written out so it will be a little festive easter egg just for you and me (if I happen to be there for some reason).
Related: The Best Cheese at Trader Joe’s
- Cheddar & Sour Cream Pringles
They fit in a purse, especially those mini cans. Plus, when you are all stumbling out of some bumpin’ establishment at 2 a.m., you will have some food with you to munch on and it will be just the right kind of food for munching. Also, if you specifically get this Cheddar & Sour Cream flavor, it will not only be a satisfying late-night bachelorette party munch, but a tasty one. Danny Palumbo described these chips (sorry, crisps) as “just so damn saturated with flavor.” As far as bachelorette party snacks go, these ones are a winner.