Greetings and salutations, fellow creatures of the night. Season 5 of FX’s What We Do in the Shadows premieres July 13 and Sporked has all the best recs to pick up for your watch session(s). The supernatural mockumentary franchise began in 2014 with the film of the same name and expanded to the TVNZ-2 spin-off Wellington Paranormal in 2018 (streaming on Max in the U.S.). In 2019, FX’s version of What We Do in the Shadows began. The show follows four vampires and a human as they navigate life in Staten Island, New York. You can catch it on Hulu or FX as new episodes drop weekly.
- Mae Ploy Sweet Chili Sauce
Let’s get it out of the way now. This is a show about vampires. Like a vampire, you want to eat red things. What delicious, red, thick liquid will quench your thirst for a facsimile of blood? Mae Ploy Sweet Chili Sauce, that’s what. It’s thick, it’s sweet, it’s spicy, it’s red, and as Sporked editor-in-chief Justine Sterling says, “You can really treat it like a dip rather than a sauce thanks to the texture.” It’s versatile. Serve this alongside some snacky stuff, like frozen egg rolls or chicken nuggets.
Read the full ranking of the best sweet chili sauce
- Kroger Swedish Style Meatballs
In the season 4 episode “The Night Market,” we learn that meatballs are equally popular in the undead and living worlds. In this episode, they’re sold by valkyries and are a beloved treat for all walks of life (or death). More or less, they’re shown as dupes for IKEA’s Swedish meatballs; Vampire Nadja uses them to barter at the night market. If you want a meatball you can barter with, grab Kroger’s Swedish Style Meatballs. As Justine puts it, “Kroger’s frozen Swedish meatballs are better than IKEA’s Swedish meatballs,” but keep in mind that Sporked is not liable for damages caused as a result of any trades/exchanges you make, meatball related or otherwise. Anyway, I think these are better off being eaten than traded, but maybe that’s just me.
Read the full ranking of the best frozen meatballs
- La Molisana Bronze Die Spaghetti Quadrato Chitarra No. 1
Few foods are better for a gathering of friends than “bisgetti,” what the vampires in the 2014 film call spaghetti when they try to reenact the worms scene from The Lost Boys. Go for La Molisana Bronze Die Spaghetti Quadrato Chitarra No. 1. Long name, long noodle, but great results. This pasta will definitely go down easier than worms, and will almost certainly go over better with your friend, too (unless your friends are birds, in which case, opt for worms). Sporked contributor Danny Palumbo says it’s “the best spaghetti by a considerable margin.”
Read the full ranking of the best spaghetti
- Screamin’ Sicilian Holy Pepperoni
FX’s What We Do in the Shadows takes place on Staten Island in New York City. For a show set in NYC, there is no food more appropriate than pizza. For a watch party, you should absolutely go with Screamin’ Sicilian Holy Pepperoni. As Sporked managing editor Gwynedd Stuart said, “When Screamin’ Sicilian makes a frozen pepperoni pizza, they do not f*** around. And we love that.” She’s correct. We do love that. Just have Tums on standby unless your gut’s an iron fortress.
Read the full ranking of the best frozen pepperoni pizza
- Kroger Crinkle Cut French Fries
In one of the funniest scenes in the film What We Do in the Shadows, a vampire character eats a chip (french fry) and we learn that vampires cannot eat food (in fact, they will projectile vomit blood if they do). Don’t worry! You aren’t a vampire! Probably. You will eat these fries and enjoy them! ‘Cause they’re tasty! In the scene they’re steak fries so perhaps recommending a crinkle cut fry is blasphemy, but so are vampires, get off my back. These fries are great, and I love them
(I’m eating them right now). Gwynedd loves them too, boldly stating, “Kroger did it. They made the best frozen crinkle cut fries.” And now I’m saying it too. Kroger did it. They made the best frozen crinkle cut fries.
Read the full ranking of the best crinkle cut fries