Food trends come and go. I’m here to emphasize the go. In the spirit of early 2000s pop icon JoJo, here are some trends we’ve seen in grocery stores that should leave (get out), right now, it’s the end of you and me.
Sweet Hummus (That Isn’t Sweet Potato Hummus)
As we pointed out in our best hummus ranking, “The flavored hummus trend is getting out of control.” We’re talking flavors like apple pie hummus, Thai coconut curry hummus, and Buffalo style hummus. While I’m all for a little experimentation when it comes to diversifying a classic healthy snack, sweet hummus sort of defeats the purpose, doesn’t it? We’re just adding in sugar where it shouldn’t belong, and perpetuating our own stereotype as a country obsessed with glucose. More importantly, sweet hummus creates a confusing taste experience for me. Take pumpkin spice hummus. An interesting first bite, but by the third or fourth, I’m questioning reality. It’s like eating pumpkin pie mix straight from the bowl (amazing), but with ground chickpeas (no thank you).
And let’s not forget chocolate hummus. Jordan Myrick named Boar’s Head Dark Chocolate Dessert Hummus as the best chocolate hummus currently on the market, and proceeded to give it 6.5 Sporks. That should speak for itself, guys. (I would like to formally exclude sweet potato hummus or hot honey hummus from this criticism, though. You can’t go wrong with either of those.)
The “Pickle Flavor” Trend
Here me out! Pickle Ketchup? Incredible. Groundbreaking. Award-worthy and by our standards, award-winning. It’s so good, and feels so right, the fact it hasn’t been available as a product for over a decade still boggles the mind.
But… pickle popcorn? Pickled peanuts at TJ’s? Pickle flavored hard seltzer? What are we doing? What are we doing, guys? Lately I feel like the world is a pickle, and I’m just living in it. When Jordan popped that pickle popcorn in the office, it basically turned into mace. Mace, people. And I’m not even broaching our obsession with pickling everything… That’s a discussion for a different time.
Sometimes, when we get a good thing, we have to learn how not to screw it up. That’s all I’m saying. (Unless the point is to screw it up, like Van Leeuwen’s Dill Pickle Ice Cream. That was kinda fun. It’s a fine line, I guess.)
Energy Drinks Pretending to be Workout Supplements
Last year, we reported on Celsius marketing itself as a “healthy energy drink” and pre-workout drink to the fitness crowd. Since we’ve already seen one class-action lawsuit against Celsius for their misleading labels, I’m approaching this with a little bit of skepticism. They currently have the phrase “essential energy” on the front of the can, and with 200 mg of caffeine, ya’ know, I’m just not sure if that’s true.
That said, it’s got the vitamins and nutrients of a fitness drink, and people seem to like it. Maybe I’m just a hater, but historically speaking, hot fitness trends tend to be a hot mess. If it were up to me, I’d squash the “healthy energy drink” marketing once and for all this year.
Kale Chips
We already said goodbye to kale chips last year. Why? Because they are flimsy, poorly packaged, and there are better veggie chips on the market! Like potatoes. Potatoes are a vegetable. So I will use my time here today to manifest the continued decline of kale’s popularity, as a chip and health food buzzword. To quote my problematic namesake: Thank you, next.
Mushroom Coffee
I hate learning. There, I said it. And when a new product forces me to learn a new word, like “adaptogenic,” I’m generally unhappy. According to Cleveland Clinic, “Adaptogens are plants and mushrooms that help your body respond to stress, anxiety, fatigue and overall wellbeing.” Packed full of adaptogens, that’s the story we’re all being sold about mushroom coffee.
As someone who has tried to quit coffee many times… I get it, I really do. (For example, I wish I wasn’t sitting at a coffee shop nursing a latte at 5 p.m. for extra brain fuel, but here we are.) We’re all desperate to replace our caffeine craze with a healthier, less addictive alternative. But I’m not sure mushroom coffee is it, folks. It cannot do what coffee does: It cannot taste good. The leading brand, MUD\WTR, is called “mud water” for a reason. Self-awareness was really their only hope.
Thoughts? Questions? Complete disagreement? Leave a comment!