Today, I’ve got not one, not three, but two new Hot Pockets made with Hidden Valley Ranch. This is Hidden Valley Ranch’s second foray into the frozen pizza space, following their “Spicy Rancheroni” Digorno pizza from earlier this year. Will this live up to those extremely-okay standards? Or is this a new revelation in the field of self-contained rectangular calzones? Rev up the microwave; let’s see if we can avoid that classic icy core.
- Hot Pockets Ranch Lovers Pepperoni
-
Pros: I’m not a ranch with pizza girlie, but this might have me turned around on the subject. The basic ranch sauce works really well alongside the extra-flavorful Hot Pocket pepperoni chunks. I’ve eaten more than my fair share of pepperoni Hot Pockets across my life, so I can confidently say this is on par with the classic.
Cons: I’m not in love with the feeling that I just took a shot of Hidden Valley Ranch with a Hot Pocket chaser. They’ve entirely replaced the marinara sauce with a ranch sauce, so that ranch flavor can be overwhelming by the end of the pocket. In hindsight, maybe this is a built-in portion control mechanism.
Credit: Liv Averett / Walmart
- Hot Pockets Ranch Lovers Buffalo Style Chicken
-
Pros: Per the packaging, this is actually made with a Hidden Valley Buffalo Ranch sauce rather than a normal ranch. That Buffalo sauce flavor naturally imparts a little more spice than the regular ranch used in the Pepperoni—not so much that it’s “spicy,” but enough that you notice it. The flavor on that sauce is exactly what a Buffalo wing fan would hope for.
Cons: Since the Buffalo ranch has a single flavor profile, there’s none of that classic “cool and hot” combination you’d get from dipping an actual Buffalo wing in ranch. And this might be personal, but chicken is my least favorite Hot Pocket protein—I’ll pick a steak, meatball, ham, or pepperoni pocket over any of their chicken options.
Credit: Liv Averett / Hot Pockets
Is Hidden Valley Ranch doing too much?
Between these Hot Pockets and that Digorno collaboration I mentioned earlier, I’m inclined to say yes. Last year, Hidden Valley Ranch released seven new flavored ranches including one based on Cheez-Its. (That last collaboration actually went both ways.) Back in 2023, they even partnered with Van Leeuwen on an ice cream. Is it possible for a ranch to have gambling debt? That’s the only explanation I can think of for the sudden crazed output from this dressing company.
Where can I find these new Hot Pockets for myself?
Both 4-packs should be available pretty much everywhere Hot Pockets are sold. Per their store locator, you’ll be able to find these at Kroger, Walmart, Target, and more. I found mine at Walmart, the safest place to find most new non-exclusive products.
Thoughts? Questions? Complete disagreement? Leave a comment!