Look, let’s be real here. Snacks get worse with every generation (sorry, Generation Alpha). The late 1990s and early 2000s were a wonderful time for radical food experimentation. The lack of regard for sugar and calorie content led to some unforgettable creations. So, whether you’re a nostalgic ’90s or early ’00s baby, or a sad little Generation Alpha kid looking to improve your childhood snacking experience, here are the best nostalgic snacks to try…based on your zodiac sign, of course!
Aries: Vanilla Dunkaroos
Sure, Dunkaroos were especially popular in the ’90s. But hey, you’re an Aries and you stay relevant, even if it’s been a couple of decades since people started raving about you. And because you get bored so easily, the colorful sprinkles are sure to keep you engaged. With each dunk, you’ll be yeeted back into childhood. And it’s important that you buy the Vanilla Dunkaroos. Have you tried Chocolate Dunkaroos? Nooooo thanks. They’re just not the same.
Taurus: Froot Loops Cereal Straws
I’d give a million bucks (that I certainly do not possess) to be a Taurus right now. Tauruses, you are the epitome of comfort and coziness. You definitely drink warm milk with a Froot Loops Cereal Straw every day. Since Tauruses get pretty stressed when they have to share, you deserve a sweet treat that no one is going to steal. I mean, come on. Who wants to steal someone else’s slightly soggy, mouthified straw? Nobody. And rejoice, Taurses, because Froot Loops Cereal Straws are back in stores after being discontinued for years. Kellogg’s knew that you weren’t doing so well without your fruity pacifiers.
Everyone misses Go-Gurt in their lunchbox, just like everyone misses Geminis after they leave the party. But the best of the best—the greatest Geminis—are Shrek Go-Gurt. They just taste better. Considering the ideal Gemini is funny, versatile, and great at bringing people together, this is the perfect snack for you. Let me explain. Shrek is funny. Go-Gurt is a portable snack that can be tossed in the freezer to make frozen yogurt, so it’s versatile. And, truly, nothing brings people together like little tubes of fruity yogurt, right?
Cancer: Fruit Gushers
Ah, yes. Cancers. You have a lot of emotional goo and you try to protect it under a thick shell. But in reality, your thick shell is weak. Like a Gusher. And if someone pushes too hard, all that emotional goo will just come spilling out. No offense, of course. You’re really sweet. And delicious.
Leo: Chili Cheese 3D Doritos
Leos are bold, theatrical, and fiery. You’re innovative, a little absurdist, and—WHOA. Is that…a chip? In three dimensions?! This is some next-level stuff only Leos could truly appreciate.
Virgo: Handi-Snacks Ritz Crackers
Helllloooo, Virgos, my practical, earth-signy friends. When I think about you, I think about the most useful little snack from my childhood: Handi-Snacks Ritz Crackers, the ideal, filling school munchie. And I’m mostly thinking about that little red stick they used to come with. That’s right, used to. The Ritz overlords got rid of it. That perfect little shmearing tool is gone forever in the name of eco-friendliness. Rude (but also, yay, planet earth). But this is about nostalgia and the good ol’ times. So, in my heart, you’ll always be a little red Ritz stick.
Libra: Trix Yogurt
Libras, you are truly something wonderful. Kind of like a little cup of yogurt with two beautiful colors arranged like a yinyang symbol waiting to be stirred into a harmonious union. While you may be contradictory like the contrasting colors of the yogurt, everything makes sense when swirled.
Scorpio: Scooby Doo Gummies
Zoinks, Scorpios! You are the ultimate Scooby-Doo mystery. Unfortunately, I can’t just rip off your mask and know everything about you. You’re probably not wearing a mask. And I can’t just pull at your face. That wouldn’t be nice. Alas, I’ll never understand you! My greatest mystery! But hey, I can’t stop coming back, just like I can’t stop diving in to a box of Scoob! fruit snacks for those pastel blue gummies.
Sagittarius: Yogos Crazy Berry
This one’s a deep cut, which is perfect for Sagittariuses. You like to go on adventures and bring back all sorts of pleasant surprises. So, Sagittariuses, you’d certainly travel back into the recesses of memory and return with these weird, creamy yogurt balls that have been all but erased from our collective consciousness.
Capricorn: Fig Newtons
I have a lot of respect for you, Capricorn. You’re humble but you won’t take crap from anybody. That makes you a Fig Newton. You’re not always screaming for attention like some of the other snacks on this list. But everyone knows you, loves you, and respects you, which makes you, perhaps, the most successful snack on this list. You’re a perennial fave. Even though others always try to rip you off, everyone knows you’re the OG.
Aquarius: Otter Pops
When I’m assigning snacks to zodiac signs, I usually give Aquarians a vegan snack or something super healthy since you’re humanitarians. Today, you’re getting sugary, delicious Otter Pops, which are tasty and educational—and I think we can agree education is good for humanity. These things taught us all patience. When mom or dad brought home a pack of these, you’d have to wait for them to freeze. Patiently. Or you had to patiently wait in line at school as they were passed out, hoping you’d get your favorite flavor. Lovely lessons to learn from a little popsicle!
Pisces: Cosmic Brownies
Cosmic Brownies are something I still don’t understand. As a child, I’d beg for them every time my Mom went to the grocery store because I loved how fun they are. You mean I can eat little rectangles of clay covered in colorful chips? Count me in! Now, I’m a little disturbed by them. So…rectangular. So…colorful. So…questionably edible. Did you dream these up or are they real? Pisces are the last people who could answer that, considering they’re always in Dreamland. But these are perfect for space cadets.
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