I’m a pretty empathetic person, but I’d say I still know pretty much nothing about people. That being said, I do know two things: everyone’s got a vibe and everyone’s got a spicy side. So we figured why not combine both of those factoids and give y’all a list of what hot sauce you are based on your zodiac sign? Let us know if we nailed your vibe (and/or your fave hot sauce).
Aries (March 21-April 19): Tapatío
Aries are finishers who are driven to be excellent at whatever they put their minds to. Tapatío is the best of the ubiquitous hot sauces. It is versatile, thick, tangy, and actually has some good flavor to it, not just burn (though it has that, too). No matter the situation, whether it is nachos, eggs, or by the spoonful, both Aries and Tatpatío are always bound to come out on top.
Taurus (April 20-May 20): Tabasco Green Jalapeño
You guys ever notice that whenever you go to a diner, Tabasco is always waiting for you there in the little basket? Tabasco is like a bright, zingy light that is always there for you (and your eggs), just like our Taurus friends. They are comforting and sensitive, sure, but they also know how to spice up any situation with that Taurus pizzazz.
Gemini (May 21-June 20): Yellowbird Habanero Condiment
Much like Geminis, Yellowbird Habanero hot sauce is complex and layered. It is ruthlessly spicy to be sure, but it is also sweet. Sound like any Geminis you know?
Cancer (June 21-July 22): Trader Joe’s Habanero Hot Sauce
Now, this one is from Trader Joe’s, so you might not be expecting real spice (our buddy Joe has been known to skimp on the capsaicin before), but the spice is there and the flavor just might surprise you. Likewise, Capricorns may give you the impression that their lives aren’t all that spicy, but, hoooo boi, once they open up to you, you will wonder how one person could contain so much ~tea~.
Leo (July 23-August 22): Sriracha (any brand)
I mean of course. Need I explain? Nope. I needeth not.
Virgo (August 23-September 22): Frank’s Red Hot
Virgos are great at getting many things done all at the same time, and no hot sauce accomplishes that like Frank’s Red Hot. It is tangy and spicy, and you can use it to make buffalo sauce or just use it as hot sauce, dealer’s choice. This sauce adapts to and thrives in many situations, just like Virgos.
Related: 8 Best Frozen Chicken Wings
Libra (September 23-October 22): Truff Hot Sauce
Libras are all about balance, fairness, and harmony. Truff is one of the most well-balanced, harmonious hot sauces out there. It’s deliciously complex, umami, earthy, acidic, and slightly sweet, and all those things together create a symphony in your mouth hole. If you are a Libra just trying to show all your dinner guests an equally good time no matter what they are eating, whip out some Truff and they will love you forever (probably).
Scorpio (October 23-November 21): Yellowbird Jalapeño Condiment
Scorpios are mysterious and complex souls and boy is this hot sauce a beautiful amalgamation of different flavors. There is so much happening, in fact, that it might even seem like a mystery what’s in this stuff (I mean it is right there on the packaging…but still, work with me here). Garlicky, savory, and with a hint of sweetness, serve this at your dinner parties, Scorpios, and your friends will wonder why they didn’t become close with you sooner just to get some of this hot sauce.
Sagittarius (November 22-December 21): Cholula
Okay, hear me out. Cholula is THE hot sauce for eggs. Sagittariuses tend to be curious people who like to seek out knowledge across many different topics. This makes them eggheads (in the most loving sense of the word). It makes sense that the eggheads go with Cholula in terms of vibes. I never learn more fun facts than when I talk to a Sagittarius. I rest my case.
Capricorn (December 22-January 19): Huy Fong Foods Sriracha
I know I already had sriracha on this list, but it’s back, baybee! Why, you ask? Because Capricorns are the most patient of the signs and there has been a shortage of Huy Fong Foods Sriracha (the most famous one) for over a year now due to supply chain issues. I am not a Capricorn and thus I am struggling with this reality, but Capricorns are out there keeping us calm, sane, and patient in these trying sriracha-less times.
Aquarius (January 20-February 18): Keith’s Chicken Sauce
Aquariuses are creative fun and wacky, just like Keith from the Try Guys and wouldn’t you know, that lovable goof has not one, not two, but THREE not-too-hot hot sauces for us to enjoy on burgers, tacos, fried chicken, and more. His first and most famous sauce is his chicken sauce, which has some ranchy flavor to it since Keith likes ranch flavor with chicken. Point is, these sauces are creative (and tasty) as heck, just like you, Aquarius! (What?)
Related: We Tried the Try Guys Hot Sauce
Pisces (February 19-March 20): Secret Aardvark Hot Sauce
Nothing is more romantic than a hush-hush lil secrety secret, and Pisces are the most romantic and whimsical sign. Also is there a more whimsical city out there than Portland, Oregon, birthplace of New Girl’s Jessica Day, Portlandia, and Secret Aardvark Hot Sauce? No, there most certainly is not. Portland is the whimsicality capital of the contiguous 48, and that’s fax (printer nowhere in sight). Plus, this secret aardvark hot sauce really is like the city’s best-kept secret (that they tell to everyone who visits). The complex sauce has habaneros, roasted tomato, mustard, carrots, and onions, which make it gorgeously fun and complex, just like my Pisces friendos out there.